The Marauders' Chatroom of Complete Randomness
by yolapeoples
Summary: What if the Marauders had a chatroom? A Marauder era story told in Instant Messaging style.
1. Bothering Snivellous

**Disclaimer: The world's longest zucchini measured 6 feet 4 inches and was picked in Niagara Falls, NY. I thank Lemonbomber and the Harry Potter Puppet Pals for the beginning idea. I don't own Harry Potter although I wish I did… I don't own the zucchini either.**

**Bothering Snivellous**

_mouseboy27 has logged into Marauders' Chat_

mouseboy27: cool it works

_m00nyr0x has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

m00nyr0x: Of course it works, Peter.

mouseboy27: how do u know my name?!

m00nyr0x: It's Remus, Peter.

mouseboy27: oooohhhh…

_evanslover has logged onto the Marauders' Chat_

evanslover: yo!

m00nyr0x: Hey, Prongs.

mouseboy27: hi.

evanslover: Moony, what's with your username?

m00nyr0x: What?

evanslover: m00nyr0x. Don't tell me you came up with that on your own.

m00nyr0x: Sirius made it for me. He chose the name. Speaking of which, where is Sirius?

mouseboy27: dunno.

evanslover: yeah, me neither.

m00nyr0x: suspicious…

_siriusisdabomb has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

siriusisdabomb: what up, homies?

m00nyr0x: …

evanslover: …

mouseboy27: hi padft.

siriusisdabomb: HEY! You guys were talking about me!!!

m00nyr0x: What have you been up too?

siriusisdabomb: nothing 0:-)

evanslover: nice use of smileys.

siriusisdabomb: thanks, Prongs.

evanslover: where were you anyway?

siriusisdabomb: oh. nowhere and everywhere. 0:-)

mouseboy27: ur a bad liar.

siriusisdabomb: and you're bad at spelling, so?

mouseboy27: no! I use IM spelling.

m00nyr0x: If it isn't in a book, I don't care.

mouseboy27:-P

evanslover: ha ha ha. more smileys.

m00nyr0x: Sirius, where were you?

siriusisdabomb: Okay, fine. I'll tell you. I was hacking Snivellous' computer.

evanslover: Whoa. What did you do?

siriusisdabomb: Let's just say…

_sectumsempra has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

sectumsempra: wait… WHAT??

siriusisdabomb: Welcome, Snivellous, to the worst IM experience of your life! Mua ha ha!!!

sectumsempra: BLACK! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE????

siriusisdabomb: he he he. nothing. 0:-)

evanslover: nice!! – virtual highfive –

m00nyr0x: Ha. I have to say, well done.

mouseboy27: LOL

sectumsempra: I hate you people.

siriusisdabomb: Aww… we hate you too Snivellous! – group hug–

sectumsempra: What the bloody hell???

evanslover: O-O

m00nyr0x: uh…

siriusisdabomb: I was joking!

evanslover: Okay?

sectumsempra: GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!

siriusisdabomb: never.

sectumsempra: Oh, you're lucky I can't jinx you right now, Black.

siriusisdabomb: Oh! You think you can take me, Snivellous? Hmm? Let's go!

m00nyr0x: are they going to start a virtual battle?

evanslover: most definitely.

mouseboy27: cool.

sectumsempra: YOU'RE ON, BLACK!!!

siriusisabomb: Let's take this outside. I challenge you to…. VIRTUAL WIZARDS' CHESS!!!!

_sectumsempra had logged off_

_siriusisdabomb has logged off_

m00nyr0x: wow.

evanslover: give it a minute.

mouseboy27: hey, what did you put for question number 23 on the Potions homework?

m00nyr0x: Easy. What is the easiest way to cure a poison? A bezoar.

mouseboy27: oh… right.

evanslover: really? be right back.

mouseboy27: that's BRB!!!

evanslover: whatever.

m00nyr0x: Prongs, you really ought to pay more attention in Potions. it's your worst subject.

evanslover: erm…

m00nyr0x: Yeah, I know Lily sits in front of you, but that is no excuse.

evanslover: ...

_siriusisdabomb has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

_sectumsempra has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

mouseboy27: so?

sectumsempra: uh.

siriusisdabomb: I beat the pants off of Snivellous.

evanslover: okay… bad mental image.

sectumsempra: you'll pay for that, Black.

siriusisdabomb: you say that for everything.

m00nyr0x: you have a point.

evanslover: I'm bored!

siriusisdabomb: – lightbulb –

m00nyr0x: uh oh.

sectumsempra: Should I be scared?

m00nyr0x: very.

siriusisdabomb: – virtual bother –

sectumsempra: uh…

evanslover: – virtual bother –

m00nyr0x: may I suggest you run, far… fast…

siriusisdabomb: – virtual bother –

evanslover: – virtual bother –

siriusisdabomb: – virtual bother –

sectumsempra: AH! STOP!

evanslover: – virtual bother –

siriusisdabomb: – virtual bother –

mousboy27: ROFTMAO

siriusisdabomb: – virtual bother –

evanslover: – virtual bother –

sectumsempra: GOODBYE!

_sectumsempra has logged off_

siriusisdabomb: aw man! I was having fun!

evanslover: same here.

m00nyr0x: well, I'm off to bed

mouseboy27: same here.

evanslover: yeah, might as well.

siriusisdabomb: sure, fine.

_m00nyr0x has logged off_

_mouseboy27 has logged off_

_evanslover has logged off_

siriusisdabomb: you know, I think the readers feel a little left out.

siriusisdabomb: – virtual bother –

siriusisdabomb: hee hee hee.

_siriusisdabomb has logged off_


	2. Random Names, Evil Glares and Emotions

**Disclaimer: The longest burrito in the world measured 8,076 feet long (aka almost 27 football fields) and was made at the Nevada State Fair. Still don't own Harry Potter even though I wish upon every star in the sky that I did. Harmony is from my other Fanfic. The OCs are the same but the storys are completely unrelated.**

**Random Names, Evil Glares and Emotional Breakdowns**

_evanslover has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

evanslover: WHANNN!!!!!

_m00nyr0x has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

m00nyr0x: Are you okay, Prongs?

evanslover: I'll get over it. I always do, don't I?

m00nyr0x: right...

evanslover: I just don't get it!

m00nyr0x: You have to stop asking her out like you're lending her a favor. Lily hates it when you talk to her like you're… well…

evanslover: Full of myself? Bigheaded? Conceited? Stop me when you find something you like.

_mouseboy27 has logged on_

evanslover: hey, Peter.

mouseboy27: r u okay?

m00nyr0x: he'll be alright.

_jkrowling has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

jkrowling: 'ello!

evanslover????

mouseboy27?!?!?!?!

m00nyr0x: Who are you?

jkrowling: What?

m00nyr0x: _Who_ are _you_?

jkrowling: ooohhh!!! I get it!!

evanslover?

jkrowling: It's me! Sirius! I signed into the wrong username.

evanslover: jkrowling? What kind of name is that?

mouseboy27: yeah. really.

m00nyr0x: it is quite odd.

jkrowling: oh shut up. Here, give me a second.

_jkrowling has signed off_

evanslover: …

mouseboy27: …

m00nyr0x: I don't want to know why he chose that name. I really don't.

evanslover: Where is he?

m00nyr0x: Who knows!

mouseboy27: Moony…

m00nyr0x: The answer is moonstone, Peter, moonstone.

mouseboy27: How did you guess that?

evanslover: He's just good… and sp00ky.

m00nyr0x: oh stop.

evanslover: ha ha ha. I wonder what Padfoot is up too.

_ididntkillthequeen has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

ididntkillthequeen: hi.

mouseboy27: uh… who are you?

ididntkillthequeen: It's Sirius, you dunce.

mouseboy27: umm…

evanslover: Sirius, what is ididntkillthequeen?

ididntkillthequeen: What???

m00nyr0x: Your username.

ididntkillthequeen: Dammit. Wrong one again!

m00nyr0x: – raises one eyebrow –

evanslover: uhh…

ididntkillthequeen: wait a sec…

_ididntkillthequeen has logged off_

evanslover: This is odd.

m00nyr0x: This is Sirius we're talking about though.

evanslover: good point.

mouseboy27: so Sirius didn't kill the queen?

evanslover: it was just a username, Wormtail.

mouseboy27: RIGHT! I knew that!!

_whotookmypie has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

m00nyr0x: Sirius?

whotookmypie: yeah?

evanslover: uh… are you missing a pie by any chance?

whotookmypie: what? oh, not again.

m00nyr0x: Sirius, just how many users do you have?

whotookmypie: uh… let me count…

whotookmypie: …

evanslover: It's taking you this long???

whotookmypie: that would be around 2,957.

mouseboy27: O-O

evanslover: O-O

m00nyr0x: Why? Just why???

whotookmypie: I'm Sirius Black. I have a computer, a short attention span and a lot of time on my hands.

evanslover: That explains that.

m00nyr0x: You have no life.

whotookmypie: Yeah, I do!!

m00nyr0x: You can not have 2,957 users and a life. It just isn't possible.

whotookmypie: Well, then, I just defied the laws of physics or whatever.

m00nyr0x: – stares blankly –

whotookmypie: Prongs, he's doing that creepy virtual stare thing.

evanslover: sorry, to busy laughing at the moment.

mouseboy27: LOL. Oops. I gtg. See ya l8tr!

_mouseboy27 has logged off_

whotookmypie: whann

m00nyr0x: Too easy.

whotookmypie: DON'T DO THAT!! It's FREAKY!

evanslover: no, it's sp00ky!

m00nyr0x: aw, great.

whotookmypie: wait. wasn't Prongs having an emotional breakdown?

evanslover: don't remind me.

whotookmypie: there, there. Have a biscuit!

evanslover: God, did McGonagall do that to you too?

whotookmypie: Yeah. We got into a good yelling match because of it.

m00nyr0x: Do I want to know?

whotookmypie: Let's just say that if McGonagall offers you a biscuit, take it and walk away slowly without making any sudden movements.

evanslover: Lily hates me.

m00nyr0x: No, she doesn't!

evanslover: Yes, she does. She hates me. HATES ME!!!

whotookmypie: No, she doesn't!

evanslover: She does and you guys can't change that.

_melodymaker has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

melodymaker: Well, they can't change what's already changed.

m00nyr0x: Harmony?

melodymaker: Yep, that's me!

whotookmypie: Whoa. How did you find this?

melodymaker: I've known about this for ages!

m00nyr0x: so, what were you saying?

melodymaker: well, I must have a deathwish, but I'll tell you since James seems to want to commit suicide…

whotookmypie: SPIT IT OUT, WOMAN!

melodymaker: fine. Lily doesn't hate James.

evanslover: really?

melodymaker: Nope. She just hates it when he acts like he's all that, but she doesn't hate _him_. I personally have hunch that she's a bit fond of you... But SHUSH!!! I never told you any of this!!

m00nyr0x: I solemnly swear that I will tell no one.

whotookmypie: I solemnly swear that I will tell no one.

evanslover: I solemnly swear that I will tell no one.

melodymakers: You guys are hilarious.

evanslover: what do you suggest I do?

melodymaker: hmm... not ask her up whenever you see her, try to restrain yourself... oh and not to show off so much. It really is quite annoying. Just try to be a good friend! Okay, gots to go, but remember: This conversation never happened!!!

_melodymaker has logged off_

evanslover: …

m00nyr0x: Wait for it.

whotookmypie: Here it comes.

evanslover: WAHOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE DOESN'T HATE ME!! SHE MAY ACTUALLY LIKE ME!!!!!!!!!!! WWWWWWWWWHHHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

m00nyr0x: Feeling better now?

evanslover: – nods head enthusiastically –

whotookmypie: good. now, who's up for a good prank on Slughorn to celebrate?

evanslover: I'm in!

m00nyr0x: What the heck! I finished my book yesterday.

whotookmypie: That's the spirit!

_whotookmypie has logged off_

_m00nyr0x has logged off_

_evanslover has logged off_


	3. Ninjas, Spellchecks and Rock Out Loud

**Disclaimer: If you give a man a fish, he will eat it in a day. If you give a man a picture of a fish, he will look at it all his life. I'm not Queen or J.K. Rowling. I made up the spoof that Sirius sings though.**

**Ninjas, Spellchecks and Rock Out Loud**

_evanslover has logged on to Marauders' Chat_

evanslover: ACCIO!

_sirpranksalot and m00nyr0x have logged on to Marauders' Chat_

m00nyr0x: What the –?

sirpranksalot: Where am I?! What have you done?! I warn you, I know kung foo!

evanslover: Guys, it's me. And Padfoot, you do **not** know kung foo.

sirpranksalot: How would you know?

evanslover: Because you nearly killed yourself today at practice by tripping over your own broom.

m00nyr0x: He _tripped_ over his _broom_?

evanslover: Pretty much.

sirpranksalot: I did that on purpose!

m00nyr0x: right…

sirpranksalot: I AM NINJA!! FEAR ME!

evanslover: I'm trembling in fear.

sirpranksalot: well :P to you.

m00nyr0x: ha ha ha

sirpranksalot: you too, moony.

m00nyr0x: Whatever. Prongs, how did you get us here?

evanslover: "Accio". It turns out the Hogwarts computers are full of passwords that do different things. "Accio" gets whoever you want to come wherever you are by force.

sirpranksalot: cool.

m00nyr0x: I have a feeling 'sirpranksalot' is plotting.

sirpranksalot: You got that right!

evanslover: Anyway, the full moon's coming up.

m00nyr0x: don't remind me.

sirpranksalot: Moony, wait! Don't get all panicky!!

m00nyr0x: panicky?

sirpranksalot: You always get super freaked out and stressed whenever the full moon is near.

m00nyr0x: You would too if _you_ turned into a monster ever month.

evanslover: It's okay, Moony.

m00nyr0x: No it's not. What we're doing is dangerous! You know I can't control myself when I'm… I'm… _it_.

sirpranksalot: That's what we're here for!

m00nyr0x: I don't trust you.

sirpranksalot???

evanslover: Moony's still mad about when you tricked Snivellous into going into the Shrieking Shack.

sirpranksalot: Oh. That. Moony, it's okay. I mean, the git got away unscathed, right?

m00nyr0x: If it hadn't been for Prongs…

evanslover: OKAY! NO FIGHTING! Anyway, there's a Hogsmeade visit on that day. What do we do?

sirpranksalot: Uh…

m00nyr0x: Well, I'm staying at Hogwarts.

sirpranksalot: I need to stop at Zonko's to pick up some… supplies, I guess you would say.

evanslover: Fine. Padfoot and I will go to Hogsmeade and come back early.

sirpranksalot: What time, do you think, Moony?

m00nyr0x: Hmm… probably around four. It'll give us time to get ready. Man, I feel terrible.

sirpranksalot: I feel bad for you.

m00nyr0x: Don't. It's not your fault.

evanslover: I swear I'm gonna kill Fenrir Greyback, that is unless you get him first!

m00nyr0x: Ha ha. –smiles weakly– Anyway, transformations are a lot better since you guys have been around.

sirpranksalot: We're awesome!

m00nyr0x: Don't push it.

sirpranksalot: So, we're not awesome:(

evanslover: You guys are so weird.

m00nyr0x: I know you are, but what am I?

sirpranksalot: HEY! You're weird too, Moony.

m00nyr0x: Sooooo, now that we've established that we're a gang of complete weirdoes…

sirpranksalot: a gang of completely AWESOME weirdos…. wait… 'weidos' has an 'e'???

m00nyr0x: Yes, Padfoot, it has an 'e'.

sirpranksalot: Whoa. I have been living a lie…

evanslover: Ha ha ha.

sirpranksalot: By the way, how are things with Lily?

evanslover: …

m00nyr0x: He has a point. It's been a week. How has it been going?

evanslover: It's haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrddddddddd!!!!

sirpranksalot: –imitating Moony– 'hard' does not nearly have that many 'a's, 'r's or 'd's, Prongs!

m00nyr0x: Ha ha ha. Not funny.

evanslover: I haven't asked her out in a week and I think it's killing me inside.

sirpranksalot: I still don't see why you don't just give up. Go for another girl! There's plenty of good-looking ones.

m00nyr0x: Padfoot, not all of us have the reputation of date 'em, drop 'em, you know.

sirpranksalot: You just knowing that saying is messed up.

m00nyr0x: What? I don't know. Lily, Morgan and Harmony call you that.

sirpranksalot: Still… messed up!

m00nyr0x: What _are_ you trying to say?

sirpranksalot: Nothing. But I am a manly man!

_cisforcookie has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

cisforcookie: And a complete git.

sirpranksalot: Hup, hup hup! I warn you, I am trained in the art of ORIGAMI!!!

cisforcookie: That's the art of paperfolding, Sirius.

sirpranksalot: FINE! Be that way! I AM NINJA! FEAR ME!!

evanslover: I am so confused.

m00nyr0x: same here.

cisforcookie: It's Morgan, guys.

evanslover: OOOOHHH!!!!

m00nyr0x: phew.

cisforcookie: Sooo, what are you guys up too?

m00nyr0x: nothing much… other than Sirius trying to pass off as a kung foo master.

sirpranksalot: –does complicated karate moves– WHY-YA!!!!

cisforcookie: Wow. I can't believe I dated you.

sirpranksalot: And you want more.

cisforcookie: Says you.

sirpranksalot: No girl can resist the allure of the Sirius.

evanslover: Okay… scarring me for life here.

m00nyr0x: –ignoring–

cisforcookie: I go with Remus on this one. Sirius, shut up.

sirpranksalot: Never. I am hot. Admit it.

cisforcookie: EXPELLITYPUS!

sirpranksalot: ––––––––––––––––––––

evanslover: Whoa. What did you do?

cisforcookie: "Expellitypus" makes anything your target types a line.

m00nyr0x: Cool!

sirpranksalot: –––––––––––––––––

m00nyr0x: Just when I thought Sirius would never shut up…

sirpranksalot: –––––––––––––––––––––––

cisforcookie: Poor, poor Sirius. You know, I really could see you dying in some really stupid way.

m00nyr0x: Like what?

cisforcookie: I dunno. Maybe drapery or something. TYPUS!

sirpranksalot: BLOODY HELL! I hate you. AND I WILL NOT DIE BY DRAPERY!

cisforcookie: Okay. Fine. Don't. I don't care. ):P

_cisforcookie has logged off_

evanslover: Smooth, Padfoot.

sirpranksalot: well:P to you.

m00nyr0x: SO! We were talking about Prongs and Lily.

evanslover: It's HARD! I want her to like me, but I can't help myself. You have no idea how hard it is for me **not** to show off in front of her.

sirpranksalot: The Sirius is mildly confused.

evanslover: It's just… I love her and it's hard to just be friends with her. I guess she talks to me which is an improvement… but still!!!

m00nyr0x: You'll have to deal with it for now.

sirpranksalot: You're doing a good job so far.

evanslover: Yeah, I guess so. Why can't she just love me back?

m00nyr0x: Because that would be too easy.

evanslover: Girls are mad.

sirpranksalot: and boys are mad about girls. It is how the world works.

evanslover: Anyway, the Quidditch game is coming up soon.

m00nyr0x: Oh right! How's practice going?

sirpranksalot: WE'RE GOING TO ROCK!!!!!!!!!!

evanslover: oh no. He's going to start breaking it down.

sirpranksalot: We will, we will rock you! ROCK YOU! We will, we will rock you! ROCK YOU! Slythy you're a boy make a big noise playin' in the street, gonna be destroyed by us some day! You got mud on your face, big disgrace! Flying your brooms all over the place! We will, we will rock you! ROCK YOU! We will, we will rock you! ROCK YOU!

m00nyr0x: scary…

evanslover: no, it's sp00ky.

m00nyr0x: that's getting really old

evanslover: no it's not. he he he

sirpranksalot: Slythy you're a young man, hard man. Shouting on the pitch, gonna be destroyed by us someday. You got blood on your face, big disgrace! Wavin' your wands all over the place! SING IT! We will, we will rock you! ROCK YOU! We will, we will rock you! ROCK YOU!

evanslover: wow, Padfoot, simply wow.

sirpranksalot: He he he. I'm good.

m00nyr0x: Okay… well, unless Sirius wants to break it down again, I'm going to bed.

sirpranksalot: Slythy, you're an old man, poor man, pleading with your eyes, never gonna make peace, No way!, You got mud on your face, big disgrace! We're gonna put you back in your place! We will –

m00nyr0x: EXPELLITYPUS!

sirpranksalot: –––––––––––––––––

evanslover: ha ha ha. good one, Moony.

m00nyr0x: good night.

_m00nyr0x has logged off_

evanslover: see ya.

_evanslover has logged off_

sirpranksalot: ––––––––––––––––––––

_sirplanksalot has logged off_


	4. Mood Swings, Bad Puns and Suicide

**Disclaimer: If you know it, I don't own it…**** whoa, that's kind of catchy. Oh, when the thing Sirius sings goes to the tune of the Spongebob song "Squidward is my best friend in the world". I don't remember what episode that was though.**

**Mood Swings,**** Bad Puns and Suicide Missions**

_cuzIcancancan has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

_m00nyr0x has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

m00nyr0x: Hello Sirius.

cuzIcancancan: Moony, I'm boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooored!!!

m00nyr0x: Were all those extra O's necessary?

cuzIcancancan: Yes. You do not understand how excruciating bored I am.

m00nyr0x: Wow.

cuzIcancancan: – begins to sing –

m00nyr0x: Oh great.

cuzIcancancan: I'm bored and I have nothing to doooooooooooo.

cuzIcancancan: I'm bored and I have nothing to saaaaaaaayyyy.

m00nyr0x: then, why are you on here??

cuzIcancancan: I'm bored and I have nothing to doooooooooo.

cuzIcancancan: So I'll just annoy REMUS INSTEAD!!!!!!!!

m00nyr0x: Lovely, Padfoot. Lovely.

_evanslover has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

evanslover: Yes. Encore, encore.

m00nyr0x: Sarcasm doesn't faze you at all, does it?

evanslover: Never has, never will.

cuzIcancancan: Prongs, I'm boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooored!!!

m00nyr0x: I think you've made that point quite clear.

evanslover: He has a point. Nothing interesting has happened for days!

cuzIcancancan: Remus, prepare to be made fun of.

m00nyr0x: _Why_ do you have to pick on _me_ whenever you're bored?

cuzIcancancan: Because you're a wimp.

m00nyr0x: WHAT?!

evanslover: erm…

cuzIcancancan: Remus is wimpy. Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy.

m00nyr0x: I am not wimpy.

evanslover: He really isn't –

cuzIcancancan: Prongs, stay out of this or I'll make fun of you too.

evanslover: – staying out of it –

cuzIcancancan: If you're not wimpy, then why don't you ever do anything against the rules?

m00nyr0x? I've gotten detention loads of times.

cuzIcancancan: Yeah, because of us.

m00nyr0x: I still don't see your point.

evanslover: Moony, he's bored out of his mind. (key words: out of his mind) He's spouting random rubbish.

cuzIcancancan: I told you to stay out of it! You are just as wimpy. You're chasing after a girl who'd rather go out with the Giant Squid than you!!

m00nyr0x: Sirius, harsh much.

cuzIcancancan: No, it is not harsh, you wimp.

_melodymaker has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

melodymaker: What is going on in here?

cuzIcancancan: REMUS LUPIN IS A WIMP!!!!!

melodymaker???

m00nyr0x: Exactly.

cuzIcancancan: REMUS IS A WIMPY WIMPY WIMP!!!!

melodymaker: He is not. He's got more balls then you'll ever have!

cuzIcancancan: Yeah, cuz you would know, right?

melodymaker?! How dare you, Black?!

_melodymakers has logged off_

evanslover: Great. You just pissed off both of Lily's friends, and _ours_ by the way, in less then two days.

cuzIcancancan: I DON'T CARE!!! I HATE YOU ALL!!!!!!

m00nyr0x: Sirius, are you feeling okay?

evanslover: You seem a bit off.

cuzIcancancan: LEAVE ME ALONE!!! YOU ALL SUCK!!!

evanslover: Did you get rejected, Sirius?

cuzIcancancan: WHAT?! NO! GO AWAY! I HATE YOU ALL!!!

m00nyr0x: He got rejected.

cuzIcancancan: WHY DO YOU THINK THAT?!?!?!

evanslover: You're getting annoyed at everyone…

m00nyr0x: You yelling at everything in sight…

evanslover: You're telling your best mates that you hate them…

m00nyr0x: You're writing in all caps…

cuzIcancancan: ALRIGHT! So, I got rejected.

evanslover: It's amazing you actually did. By whom?

m00nyr0x: Yes. Do tell.

cuzIcancancan: Liz.

m00nyr0x: Wait. Elizabeth? In our year?

evanslover: The one who's really good at Astronomy?

cuzIcancancan: Yes. She… slapped me… in public.

m00nyr0x: niiiiice. And _why_ are you taking this this badly?

cuzIcancancan: Because no girl, and I mean _no girl_, is supposed to resist me. I am supposed to be ultimate.

evanslover: And Lily calls me full of myself.

cuzIcancancan: Oh well. Didn't really know her anyway.

m00nyr0x: And you asked her out.

cuzIcancancan: broom closet actually.

m00nyr0x: You never stop amazing me. How many girls _do_ you go out with monthly?

cuzIcancancan: well ):P to you, Remus Lupin. 5-6 average, mostly more tho.

m00nyr0x: And why did you have to get Harmony all angry?

cuzIcancancan: Sorry 'bout that. Didn't mean to… sort of just slipped out.

evanslover: It always does, Padfoot.

cuzIcancancan: Well, it didn't help that Moony has a soft spot for her.

m00nyr0x: WHAT?! I do not.

cuzIcancancan: Yes you do. It's the only reason I know you're not gay.

m00nyr0x: This conversation just gets better and better.

evanslover?

m00nyr0x: Sarcasm, James, sarcasm.

evanslover: right.

cuzIcancancan: well, it is.

m00nyr0x: You have no idea how much I despise you right now Padfoot.

cuzIcancancan: Why would that be?

m00nyr0x: Because whatever I say, I'm still cornered. I say I'm not fond of Harmony, you say I'm gay. I say I'm not gay, you say I'm fond of Harmony.

evanslover: Cruel cycle. You should be smarter than this, Moony.

cuzIcancancan: he he he. I outwitted genius boy.

evanslover: By mistake, I might add.

m00nyr0x: ANYWAY! How's Lily?

evanslover: I dunno. We're still friends, I guess. She put us on the same hallway patrol shift so I guess she doesn't hate my company or anything.

m00nyr0x: It's getting better.

evanslover: I'm running out of time.

cuzIcancancan: No you're not. It's not even Christmas yet!

evanslover: Yeah, well. I don't know how long this is going to take. What if she doesn't fall for me before the end of the year?

m00nyr0x: Oh. Good point. This _is_ our last year at Hogwarts.

cuzIcancancan: I concur.

m00nyr0x: Wow, Padfoot, you sound intelligent.

cuzIcancancan: Thanks – HEY!

m00nyr0x: Victory is mine!

evanslover: I'm worried is all.

cuzIcancancan: YOU CAN DO IT, PRONGS!!! OR MY NAME ISN'T SERIOUS BLACK!!

m00nyr0x: That's because it isn't.

cuzIcancancan: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

m00nyr0x: ha ha ha.

evanslover?

m00nyr0x: Spelled his own name wrong.

evanslover: Oh. I get it!

cuzIcancancan: Okay. Well, you can do it! I know you can.

m00nyr0x: Although 'Serious' can't spell his own name.

cuzIcancancan: Oh come off it!

m00nyr0x: Never.

evanslover: God. You people are weird.

cuzIcancancan: We all are, Prongs. Hence is the nature of all mankind.

m00nyr0x: Wow. Big words for such a dunderhead. Feeling philosophical today, 'Serious'?

cuzIcancancan: STOP THAT!!! Wait…. – rummages through dictionary – okay. Philosophical… I get it. And no.

evanslover: Love crisis over here.

cuzIcancancan: Right. I am totally paying attention.

m00nyr0x: Padfoot, you have the attention span of a cumquat.

cuzIcancancan: – rummages through dictionary – Fruit?

m00nyr0x: Nevermind…

evanslover: I'M DYING OVER HERE!!!!

cuzIcancancan: – throws dictionary out the window – Okay. Paying attention… NO CUMQUAT!!

m00nyr0x: whatever.

evanslover: What happens if I just kiss her?

m00nyr0x: Okay. _That_ was random and I can tell you how she will react: A) She might enjoy it, B) Remember who you are and panic, C) Slap you/ scream and run away

cuzIcancancan: Wow. That was thorough.

m00nyr0x: Well, it's pretty easy to figure it out.

evanslover: Whan. :(

m00nyr0x: Unfortunately, girls like Lily don't like random kisses from boys like you.

evanslover:( Not helping.

cuzIcancancan: Look at the bright side. She might enjoy it!

evanslover: And then slap me and ignore me for the rest of eternity.

m00nyr0x: – shrugs –

evanslover: I'm going to kill myself.

cuzIcancancan: Don't kill yourself, Prongs!! Then I'll have one less best mate!!

m00nyr0x: And he'll only have me to annoy…

cuzIcancancan: Yeah and… HEY!

m00nyr0x: Moony: 3, Padfoot: 1

cuzIcancancan: well:P

m00nyr0x: Nice comeback.

evanslover: Okay. So I won't kill myself, but this whole thing is killing me inside…

m00nyr0x: You need some rest.

cuzIcancancan: GOOD NI-IGHT!!!!

m00nyr0x: Wow.

_evanslover has logged off_

_m00nyr0x has logged off_

_cuzIcancancan has logged off_


	5. ReFrIgErAtOrS

**Disclaimer : You know the drill. I own nothing you've seen before… ****wait… doesn't that include the English language?! Oh no!! (jk)**

**ReFrIgErAtOrS**

_evanslover has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

_m00nyr0x has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

_ilikefridges has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

evanlover: 'ello, mates!

ilikefridges: Yo, Prongs.

evanslover: I have got to get used to you having so many users.

ilikefridges: I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM!!!

m00nyr0x: Fridges?

ilikefridges: Yes, fridges, Moony. Deal with it! MOONY IS PREJUDICE AGAINST FRIDGES!!!! FrIdGeS!!!! (man. it's hard to write like that)

m00nyr0x????

evanslover: Oooookkkkkaaayyyy….

_mouseboy27 has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

mouseboy27: Hi guys.

evanslover: HEY! Wormtail! Where've you been, mate?

m00nyr0x: Yeah, where _have_ you been?

ilikefridges: Is your dear ol' mum sick or something?

mouseboy27: Uh… umm… That works! I mean, yes.

m00nyr0x: – skeptical –

evanlover: – bored –

ilikefridges: – fridges –

m00nyr0x???

ilikefridges: EXACTLY!!!!!

m00nyr0x: I will not ask.

evanslover: You never do, Moony, you never do.

m00nyr0x: And I still have half my brain cells... unlike _some_ people.

ilikefridges: If you are inssunuating me –

m00nyr0x: At least spell it right. – shakes head exasperatedly – "insinuating".

ilikefridges: STOP CORRECTING MY BLOODY SPELLING!!!!!!

ilikefridges: Prongs, he's picking on me!!!

m00nyr0x: Oh, don't go whining to Prongs!

evanslover: Ah…

mouseboy27: So…

ilikefridges: Your mum's gonna be okay, right?

mouseboy27: Uh… yeah. I suppose. U don't need 2 worry. She's just got… uh… uh… scarlet fever. Yeah, that's it. Scarlet fever.

m00nyr0x: – still skeptical –

ilikefridges: – still fridges –

evanslover: Wow. Just wow.

ilikefridges: When I graduate I'm going to create the first movement for equal rights for fridges.

m00nyr0x: O-O

ilikefriges: Yep. -

m00nyr0x: weirdo.

evanslover: ANYWAY!!!! Are you guys staying for Christmas break?

ilikefridges: OF COURSE I'M STAYING!!! There is no way I am going back to my mum's place. – shudders – When I ran away, she blasted my face of our family tree. Think of what she'd do if I showed up for Christmas!!!!!

evanslover: Well, I guess I should have been more specific. Moony and Wormtail, what are you guys doing for Christmas break as we all know the very obvious reasons why Padfoot will be staying at Hogwarts?

m00nyr0x: I'm staying as well. Frankly, I have nothing better to do and since both you and Padfoot are staying, I might as well.

ilikefridges: He really does care. – tears up –

m00nyr0x: Padfoot, how do I know you again?

ilikefridges: Stop ruining the moment.

mouseboy27: I'm going back to… my mum's.

ilikefridges: Yes, of course. Dear old Peter has to visit his dear old mum who's sick and dying.

mouseboy27: Who said she was dying?!

evanslover: Padfoot, stop bickering with everybody.

ilikefridges: Aye, aye, Captain Prongs.

evanslover??

ilikefridges: He he he. -

m00nyr0x: So…

ilikefridges: – fridges –

m00nyr0x: Will you stop that?

ilikefridges: NEVER. Wow. Just noticed something. Usually when we're on here, Prongs is having an emotional breakdown of some sort.

evanslover: …

ilikefridges: Well, there has been a pattern here.

evanslover: …

ilikefridges: It's either you going on about how Lily hates you, how you don't know what to do about Lily and Lily this and Lily that and blah blah blah…

evanslover: … You're lucky I can't slap you right now.

ilikefridges: he he he

evanslover: – slaps Padfoot over the head –

ilikefridges: Why must you hurt me in this way, Prongs?

m00nyr0x: You know, Padfoot has got a point.

evanslover: …

m00nyr0x: Oh come on. You know it's true.

evanslover: Why do I have such weird friends?

ilikefridges: That's because you're weird, Prongs.

m00nyr0x: Hippogriffs of a feather flock together.

ilikefridges: AHHH!!! PROVERBS!!! MY EXCRUCIATINGLY SMALL BRAIN CAN'T HANDLE IT!!! I'M MELTING!!!! MEEEELLLLLTTTIIIINNNGGGG!!!

ilikefridges: – falls over, dead –

evanslover: See what you've done, Moony.

m00nyr0x: Like this is my fault!

evanslover: I _am_ joking.

m00nyr0x: As was I.

evanslover: Ha ha ha. Funny.

ilikefridges: Does anyone care? I AM DEAD OVER HERE PEOPLE!!!

m00nyr0x: Who knew the dead could talk?

ilikefridges: Oh shut up, you.

evanslover: He's got you there, mate.

ilikefridges: Okay fine. – officially dead –

m00nyr0x: This will not last long…

m00nyr0x: The world will probably be a better place without Padfoot.

evanslover: You may be onto something here.

ilikefridges: – dead –

evanslover: You should write a book. A Better World: Life Without Sirius Black.

m00nyr0x: I suppose. But I don't think Padfoot deserves to be remembered through my writing.

evanslover: Again, you make a good point.

ilikefridges: OKAY!! I'M NOT DEAD! ARGH!!!!

m00nyr0x: Ha. Told you it wouldn't last long.

evanslover: – high fives Moony –

ilikefridges: Oh stop mocking me.

m00nyr0x: I'm sorry, Padfoot. Are you feeling underappreciated? Or are you feeling "fridges"?

ilikefridges: DO **NOT** MOCK THE FRIDGES!! THEY ARE SACRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

evanslover: – backs away slowly – Sacred fridges?

ilikefridges: Yes. Sacred fridges, Prongs. Are you prejudicing against them just like Moony is?

m00nyr0x: How am I prejudicing against fridges?

mouseboy27: U guys r insane. At least, Padft is.

ilikefridges: That's right. I _am_ insane and I'm liking it.

m00nyr0x: So, are you guys ready for Slughorn's test tomorrow?

ilikefridges: We have a test tomorrow?

m00nyr0x: Yes, Padfoot, we do. On the properties of moonstone.

ilikefridges: I hate Potions.

evanslover: Same.

ilikefridges: Yeah, but all you do in that class is stare, drooling, at Lily. A bit scary actually.

evanslover: I do not drool.

ilikefridges: You might as well.

evanslover: Staring at her is the one thing that I have been able to keep doing as I can neither proclaim my love for her nor ask her out anymore.

m00nyr0x: Things are getting better though.

evanslover: How do you know?

ilikefridges: He's Moony. He knows all!!!

evanslover: That's a bit sp00ky.

m00yr0x: Ha ha. I know all. I wish. I know these things because Harmony and Morgan actually talk to me, unlike you Padfoot.

ilikefridges: You're just too nice is all.

m00nyr0x: And?

ilikefridges: And you're never going to have a girlfriend!

m00nyr0x: And by the time you graduate, nearly every girl in our year will come after you for revenge.

ilikefridges: So I never stick with one girl for long, big deal!

m00nyr0x: According to you.

evanslover: We were talking about me and Lily?

m00nyr0x: Right. Anyway, according to Harmony and Morgan, Lily actually enjoys your company now.

evanslover: Okay. That's a step in the right direction.

m00nyr0x: Yes, yes it is.

ilikefridges: My brain hurts.

evanslover???

m00nyr0x: I think you've reached a new low, Padfoot.

ilikefridges: No, it's just I was trying to calculate how many girls I have dated in my years at Hogwarts.

m00nyr0x: May I suggest the Calculator operation on the computer?

ilikefridges: There's a calculator on this thing?!?!?!?

m00nyr0x: Yes.

ilikefridges: You do know all, Moony.

m00nyr0x: …

evanslover: He's sp00ky!

m00nyr0x: You're going to bring that up until the day you die… and even then.

evanslover: I have no intentions of dying.

ilikefridges: WHY MUST CONVERSATIONS END WITH DEATH????

m00nyr0x: Hmm… I don't know. All I know is that _I_ am going to studying for Slughorn's test.

ilikefridges: Cool. I'll be right over to study with you.

_ilikefridges has logged off_

evanslover: You know that that means that he's just going to come over a bug you, you know.

m00nyr0x: I know………….. HIIIII!!! It's Sirius everybody!!!

m00nyr0x: PADFOOT! AHHH!!!

m00nyr0x: Moony, stop pushing. HIII PRONGS!!!

evanslover: Wow.

mouseboy: Wat r u guys doing?

m00nyr0x: GAH! GO AWAY PADFOOT!

m00nyr0x: NEVER!

m00nyr0x: Prongs… I need help!

m00nyr0x: NO HE DOESN'T!!! I mean, I DON'T!!!!

evanslover: I'm coming.

_evanslover has logged off_

m00nyr0x: Sorry, Wormtail. Seems like this chat is over. See ya! – James

m00nyr0x: BYE!!!! – Sirius

m00nyr0x: help me. – Remus

mouseboy27: C u l8tr.

_mouseboy27 has logged off_

_m00nyr0x has logged off_


	6. Siriuis Feels Foreign And Such Things

**Disclaimer: Didn't you hear? I'm the new owner of the Harry Potter series and therefore own all the characters, place and who-sa-whats-its!!! … I wish… Sorry if my Spanish is very limited and if I don't translate all the French!! Oh and I don't own any of the movies that have been referenced to in here. Enjoy!**

A/N: It is now a new feature on the Hogwarts computers to be more personalized when logging onto a chatroom.

**Sirius Feels Foreign And Other Such Things**

_elsirius-o has come to strut his stuff on Marauders' Chat_

_evanslover has nothing better to do so has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

_m00nyr0x has randomly showed up on Marauders' Chat_

elsirius-o: Hola, Señores! Que tal?

evanlover: Whaddidiwhatwhat???

m00nyr0x: Padfoot is feeling very… umm… _Spanish_ today.

elsirius-o: Sr. Prongs, tienes un gato en tus pantalones?

m00nyr0x: -annoyed-

evanslover: … TRANSLATION PLEASE! NO SPREAKEN THE SPANISH!

m00nyr0x: He said: … "Mr. Prongs, do you have a cat in your pants?" … I think.

evanslover: Do I WHAT?!

elsirius-o: He he he. Yo creo que Prongs tiene un gato en sus pantalones. ¿Y tú, Señor Moony?

m00nyr0x: He's been doing this all day; asking random people all over Hogwarts, including Professor McGonagall and Professor Flitwick might I add, the same question.

evanslover: Why??? And where in God's name did he learn to speak SPANISH?!

m00nyr0x: No clue.

elsirius-o: Es muy fácil. ¡Yo tengo un diccionario española de la Señorita Lily!

m00nyr0x: Lily has a Spanish dictionary???

elsirius-o: Sí, Señor. Yo apprendí muchas cosas. ¡Soy intelligente:D

evanslover: What?

m00nyr0x: God. This is gonna get annoying. I'm not all that good at Spanish to begin with.

m00nyr0x: He said: "Yes, sir. I learned lots of stuff. I'm smart:D" I believe.

evanslover: Wait. Lily _gave_ you _her_ Spanish dictionary.

elsirius-o: No… pero ella no lo utiliza mucho.

m00nyr0x: "No… but she doesn't use it a lot." … wait a second…

evanslover: YOU STOLE IT!!!!

elsirius-o: El Sirius-o no le gusta cuando el Señor Prongs está enojado. O-O

m00nyr0x: "The 'Sirius-o' doesn't like it when Mr. Prongs is angry. O-O"

evanslover: OF COURSE I'M ANGRY! HE STOLE MY GIRLFRIEND'S STUFF!!!!

_potterstinx has been dragged forcefully onto Marauders' Chat_

potterstinx: POTTER!

evanslover: Lily?

potterstinx: I AM NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!!

evanslover: … (oh shit)

m00nyr0x: May I ask how you knew he called you his girlfriend?

elsirius-o¿Usted no espía en nosotros, correcto?

m00nyr0x: (argh) "You're not spying on us, right?"

potterstinx: I created this simple program that drags me forcefully onto any chatroom where James calls me his girlfriend.

elsirius-o: AY CARAMBA!

m00nyr0x: -falls off chair and flat on face-

potterstinx: What?

evanslover: You just called me…

elsirius-o: JAMES!

potterstinx: …………………………………………………………….

evanslover: Lily?

potterstinx: Stop it! AH!!!!!

_potterstinx has run away from Marauders' Chat_

m00nyr0x: Whoa.

evanslover: -smiling gleefully- I think she's fallen for me and just can't admit it.

m00nyr0x: Wow. You figure that out on your own digit?

elsirius-o: Creo que Prongs tiene una idea correcta.

m00nyr0x: (Padfoot, I hate you) "I think Prongs has a correct idea."

elsirius-o: Te odio también, Moony.

m00nyr0x: (…) "I hate you too, Moony."

evanslover: -smiles- I'm happy.

elsirius-o¡Estoy muy contento también por que ella no sabe que yo tengo su diccionario!

m00nyr0x: (argh!!!!!!!!) "I am also very happy because she does not know that I have her dictionary!"

evanslover: PADFOOT! STOP WITH THE SPANISH!!

elsirius-o: ):P

_elsirius-o has left you poor, poor people alone on Marauders' Chat_

_MonsieurSirius __says "voulez vous couches avec moi ce soir?" on Marauders' Chat_

MonsieurSirius: Comme vous n'aimez pas quand je parle l'espagnol, je vais maintenant parler en français!

evanslover : Oh god. slaps forehead repeatedly

m00nyr0x: Wait. I don't know French… well, barely.

evanslover: Did you steal a French dictionary from Lily too????

MonsieurSirius: Oui.

evanslover: PADFOOT!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU FOR DOING THAT TO MY GIRLFRIEND!!!

m00nyr0x: NO, PRONGS! WAIT!!!

_potterstinx has been dragged forcefully (again) onto Marauders' Chat_

evanslover: Lily, I'm sorry! I really didn't mean to. It's just… well… Padfoot stole your things and I was angry. I really didn't mean it.

potterstinx: No worries, James. It's not Lily. It's Morgan.

MonsieurSirius: QUOI?

potterstinx?

m00nyr0x: don't ask.

potterstinx: Well, it's not Lily. Lily's having an emotional breakdown… I think. Harmony went after her. I dunno. I was told to man the computer.

MonsieurSirius: Je ne comprends rien.

potterstinx: Well, no one understands you either, Sirius.

m00nyr0x: Wait. You understand him??

potterstinx: Yeah. I went to France for vacation last summer. I know some of the basic language; nothing too fancy or anything.

evanslover: Lily's okay though, right? She doesn't need any help or anything, does she?

potterstinx: Wow. You really _do_ care.

evanslover: … You sound skeptical.

potterstinx: She's fine, James. F-I-N-E. Or at least she will be.

evanslover: I'm still worried.

MonsieurSirius: PERSONNE M'ECOUTE!!!

potterstinx: "No one's listening to me!!!"

evanslover: Here, you know what, I'm going to come help.

potterstinx: No, James. I don't really think that you going to find her is going to help any.

evanslover: But –

m00nyr0x: Prongs, you're probably the reason why Lily's freaking out to begin with.

evanslover: Exactly why I have to go plead my case!!!

m00nyr0x: Ever thought that you might just make it WORSE!

potterstinx: Listen to him, James.

MonsieurSirius: POURQUOI VOUS M'ECOUTEZ PAS?!?!?! VOUS ETES ENQUIQUINANT!!!

* * *

_lilyevans has entered Lily's Boudoir_

_melodymaker has entered Lily's Boudoir_

melodymaker: LILY! Where are you????

lilyevans: I'm fine.

melodymaker: No, you're not.

lilyevans: Okay, I'm not. What do you want me to do about it?

melodymaker: Let me help.

lilyevans: It's nothing.

melodymaker: -ignoring your stubbornness- Alright. This is what I know: A) You're not injured physically B) You're somewhere in Hogwarts as you're on a computer and C) It has something to do with James Potter.

lilyevans: …

melodymaker: Tell me!!

lilyevans: Fine, you're right. It's about James – I mean Potter – I mean…

melodymaker: You know, we've known him for seven years. I think it's safe to call him James.

lilyevans: Well, I called him that before on the Marauders' Chatroom Of Complete Randomness and they all freaked out.

melodymaker: As did you.

lilyevans: It wasn't his name so much…

melodymaker: Tell the Harmony. The Harmony wants to help.

lilyevans: I guess I freaked a little mostly because of their reactions, but also, James said "Lily?" and I sort of…

melodymaker: Lemme guess since it seems this is gonna take _forever_ otherwise: You imagined him standing right in front of you and you thought you heard his voice say your name and you liked it… or did your messed up mind go farther than that?

lilyevans: I imagined kissing him, okay! And I liked it… until I realized what I was imagining and I…

melodymaker: Ran for the hills.

lilyevans: Yes.

melodymaker: Are you gonna tell me where you are now?

lilyevans: No.

melodymaker: Fine, be that way.

_melodymakers has gone to report to the authorities… I mean logged off Lily's Boudoir

* * *

_

m00nyr0x: PADFOOT! SPEAK ENGLISH!!!

_MonsieurSirius has left Marauders' Chat since you are all so mean. ):P_

_siriuslyhot has arrived (applause) on Marauders' Chat_

siriuslyhot: Hey guys.

m00nyr0x: Finally normal.

siriuslyhot: GOTCHA! I'm not talking with a British accent so HA!

m00nyr0x: So… you're speaking…

siriuslyhot: AMERICAIN! MWAH HA HA!!

m00nyr0x: Lame.

evanslover: Please let me go talk to her.

potterstinx: No, James. I'm not letting you!

_melodymaker has some stuff to say on Marauders' Chat_

melodymaker: We've got a problem.

evanslover: She's okay, right?????

melodymaker: Whoa. … Uh, yeah, she's fine.

potterstinx: He's been like this the whole time.

evanslover: Well????

melodymaker: I don't know where she is.

evanslover: Whadduya mean you don't know where she is?????

m00nyr0x: Where could she possibly have gone?

melodymaker: I don't know!

siriuslyhot: -lightbulb-

m00nyr0x: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

siriuslyhot: Most definitely. Prongs had it last.

evanslover: On the count of three!

m00nyr0x: 1…

siriuslyhot: 2…

evanslover: 3…

m00nyr0x, siriuslyhot and evanslover: I solemnly swear that I am up to no good!

potterstinx: So confused.

evanslover: Found her! Meet me in the Great Hall.

m00nyr0x: Okay.

melodymaker: Um… okay?

potterstinx: What are you talking about????

siriuslyhot: Come with us if you want to live!

potterstinx: Whatever.

_Marauders' Chat has been deserted_


	7. Battle Royale

**Disclaimer: I AM NOT J.K. ROWLING OR SEAN KINGSTON! What am I doing? I'm supposed to be writing an English essay. Let me think about that… insert twilight zone music… I got nothing. Oh well! TO THE RANDOMNESS!!!!!! Oh, and as an afterthought: Marco Polo was boobyliciously sexy. Just answer that on any history exam and you are destined to get an… F! That is all. P.S. Blame Super Mario Party 8… and SUGAR! LOTS OF SUGAR!!!**

**BATTLE ROYALE!**

_evanslover has entered Marauders' Chat_

_slytherinsux waits for praise for arriving on Marauders' Chat_

_m00nyr0x has given in to taunting and has decided to log onto Marauders' Chat_

slytherinsux: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GRYFFINDOR!!!!!!!!

m00nyr0x: I have to say that was an impressive game.

slytherinsux: - repeating - GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GRYFFINDOR!!!!!!!!

m00nyr0x: It was intense. You scored some pretty sweet goals, Prongs.

evanslover: I'm just glad we found Lily before the game started. I can't believe she was just sitting by the beech tree by the lake. Who knew she had a laptop? Anyway, I'm glad we have the Marauders' Map.

slytherinsux: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MARAUDERS' MAP!!!!!!!!!!

evanslover: What would we do without that thing?

m00nyr0x: …

slytherinsux: (fine) GOOOOOOOOOOO MOONY WHOM WITHOUT WE WOULD NOT HAVE THE MARAUDERS' MAP!!!!!!!!!!

evanslover: Okay, so you wrote it, but Sirius and I found all the shortcuts and such.

slytherinsux: GOOOOOOOOOOO US!!!!!!!!

m00nyr0x: - extreme laughing fit –

slytherinsux: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT'S WITH YOU???

m00nyr0x: Sorry. I'm not even sure what was so funny. It's just one of those moments where you just have to laugh.

slytherinsux: FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE WITH ME!!!!!

evanslover: RICTUMSEMPRA!

slytherinsux: WHAAAAAAAAT ha WAS ha THAT ha FOR? ha

slytherinsux: WHAAAAAAAAT ha DID ha YOU ha DO, ha PRONGS???? ha

slytherinsux: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! ha

m00nyr0x????

evanslover: - wide evil grin –

m00nyr0x: It's another one of those password things, I'm guessing.

evanslover: You have guessed correctly.

slytherinsux: I ha HATE ha YOU, ha PRONGS!!! ha

m00nyr0x: I personally find it quite amusing.

slytherinsux: STOP ha IT, ha PRONGS!!! ha PLEASE!! ha

evanslover: Fine.

evanslover: There.

m00nyr0x: What exactly did you do?

evanslover: You have to type "LAUGH" on the keyboard for it to stop.

slytherinsux: Did it work?

slytherinsux: YAY!!!

slytherinsux: and now -grins evilly- (yes, Moony, that's a word!) ACCIO SNIVELLOUS!

_sectumsempra has been dragged forcefully to Marauders' Chat_

sectumsempra: I thought you people were leaving me alone!!!

slytherinsux: You thought wrong. PREPARE TO BE BEATEN SENSELESS!! RICTUMSEMPRA!!!

sectumsempra: Wow, ha Black. ha That ha was ha lame. ha

sectumsempra: NO!!! ha

evanslover: Oh, that's good.

slytherinsux: BOOYAH!

m00nyr0x: -sigh-

sectumsempra: FINE! ha FACE ha MY ha WRATH!! ha

slytherinsux: OH NO! I'm soooo scared!! Saaave me!! Somebody please saaaavee MEEE!!!!

semtumsempra: SECTUMSEMPRA! ha

slytherinsux: W a t i h d ? (A/n: "What did he do?")

evanslover: whoa.

m00nyr0x: OoO

slytherinsux: W i . W a 's a p n n t m ? (A/n: Wait. What's happening to me???")

evanslover: Curse you, foul villain! Messing with my friend!!!

m00nyr0x: EXPECTO PATRONUM!

_sectumsempra: What ha did ha that ha do??? ha_

evanslover: Nice, Moony.

m00nyr0x: Thank you.

_sectumsempra: You'll ha pay, ha Lupin! ha_

_sectumsempra: MUFFLIATO! ha_

m00nyr0x: PROTEGO!

_sectumsempra: Dammit. ha_

evanslover: mmhmm!!!!!

_sectumsempra: HA! ha It ha rebounded ha on ha Potter! ha YES!! ha_

m00nyr0x: Sorry, Prongs.

slytherinsux: I 'v e g o t i t !

slytherinsux: C a n y o u s a y L O O P H O L E !

_sectumsempra: WHAT?! ha NOOO!!!! ha_

evanslover: mmhmm!!!

slytherinsux: I s h a l l h e l p y o u, d e a r P r o n g s !

_sectumsempra: NOO!!! ha YOU ha WILL ha NEVER ha DEFEAT ha ME!!!! ha_

m00nyr0x: Why don't you just give up? You've got three of the school's top duelers against you. And once Padfoot lets Prongs go, well, let's say you'll be…

slytherinsux: S C R E W E D !

m00nyr0x: I was looking for something more subtle, but yeah.

slytherinsux: H e' l l g o m e d i e v a l o n y o u r a r s e !

_sectumsempra: NEVER!!!! ha … -"LAUGH"-_

slytherinsux: D O N E ! D A M M I T, H E F I G U R E D O U T T H E R I C T U M S E M P R A T H I N G !

evanslover: SNIVELLOUS! YOU'RE GOING DOWN!!!

m00nyr0x: Don't say we didn't warn you.

_sectumsempra: I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU, POTTER!!!_

evanslover: You think you can take me?

_sectumsempra: Yes. In fact, let's make a little wager._

evanslover: On what?

_sectumsempra: Whoever wins earns Lily's love._

evanslover: GREASY GIT! NO! I WILL NOT USE MY GIRLFRIEND AS A BARGAINING CHIP!!!

m00nyr0x: PRONGS!!! NO!!!

_lilyflower has been dragged forcefully onto Marauders' Chat_

evanslover: Uh…

lilyflower: Hello James.

m00nyr0x: Er…

slytherinsux: Y i k e s.

_sectumsempra: Uh oh._

lilyflower: -has scrolled up and read EVERYTHING!-

lilyflower: SNAPE!!!!! HOW DARE YOU?!?!?!?!

_sectumsempra: I…_

lilyflower: DEPULSO!

_sectumsempra has been forced to leave Marauders' Chat_

evanslover: …

lilyflower: Thank you, James.

evanslover: Really?

lilyflower: Well, yes.

slytherinsux: W H O A!

lilyflower: -"HBP"-

slytherinsux: Hey! I'm normal!!!

m00nyr0x: This is so random.

evanslover: So, you're not mad.

lilyflower: Not in the slightest. Actually, I'm quite flattered. ; )

_lilyflower has left mysteriously from Marauders' Chat_

evanslover: Wow.

m00nyr0x: 3.

slytherinsux: 2.

m00nyr0x: 1.

evanslover: I love her.

slytherinsux: NO DUH!

evanslover: -sigh-

m00nyr0x: -slaps forehead- Shut up, love struck fool.

evanslover: I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I…

slytherinsux: - begins snoring -

evanslover: -sigh-

slytherinsux: …. - snore -

m00nyr0x: WHY DO I HAVE SUCH WEIRD FRIENDS?????????

evanslover: What?

m00nyr0x: You've being zoning out. Scroll and read.

evanslover: Oh. Sorry 'bout that.

m00nyr0x: -shakes head- You're hopeless.

slytherinsux: Ya man!

evanslover: Well, I think we just successfully beat Snivellous. What about you?

slytherinsux: WHOOP WHOOP FOR THE OWNAGE OF SNIVELLOUS!

m00nyr0x: "Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn."

slytherinsux: Bladdity blah blah. Anybody up for celebration icecream?

m00nyr0x: You just made that up 7 seconds ago, didn't you?

slytherinsux: - nods head up and down energetically -

evanslover: Moony, you're being sp00ky again.

m00nyr0x: ARGH!!!!

evanslover: He he he. You weren't even sp00ky that time, I just felt like saying it.

evanslover: I'm up for the celebration ice cream. Trip to the kitchens?

slytherinsux: No need. I've got the ice cream already.

evanslover???

m00nyr0x: And you have this… why?

slytherinsux: I DON'T HAVE ISSUES!!

evanslover: - stares blankly at Moony -

m00nyr0x: - stares blankly at Prongs -

slytherinsux: - stares confuzzedly at both of them -

m00nyr0x: That's not a word, you dolt!

slytherinsux: Well, if you want ice cream, then you'll have to admit it is a word.

slytherinsux: Actually, if you want to get into the dormitory at all, you'll have to admit it 'cause that's where I am.

m00nyr0x: - wants to strangle Padfoot right now -

slytherinsux: So?

m00nyr0x: EXPELLITYPUS!

slytherinsux: ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

evanslover: He got you good, Padfoot!!!

m00nyr0x: Something tells me I'm not going to get very much ice cream.

evanslover: Nonsense!

evanslover: Padfoot, I'll release you if you promise to give Moony ice cream.

slytherinsux: ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

m00nyr0x: Uh, how are we supposed to know what he's saying?

evanslover: No clue. TYPUS!

slytherinsux: You guys are mean. :(

evanslover: TO THE ICE CREAM!!!!

_Marauders' Chat has been deserted for sweet dairy products_


	8. Because No One Pays Attention in Potions

**Disclaimer: I am a very bad author. (slaps self repeatedly while repeating "Bad author") I have not updated in foooorrrreeeevvveeerrr. Lots of stuff has been going on, but I hope you will forgive me. I'm not too sure about this chapter, but there is more randomness to come, PROMISE! Oh! And I don't own it blah blah blah!**

**Because _No One_ Pays Attention in Potions**

_bisforblack is a loose cannon cop who lives on the EDGE and has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

_m00nyr0x warns Padfoot that we WILL be caught on Marauders' Chat_

bisforblack: Moony! Chillax! We are NOT going to get caught.

m00nyr0x: We are using mini-laptops in class! They are against the rules! We _are_ going to get caught! I know it!

biforblack: You're just too much of a goody-goody two shoes. I didn't buy these for nothing you know. It's like note-passing, only waaaay better.

m00nyr0x: They're just miniature laptops that you somehow managed to connect to the Hogwarts network. And we're IN CLASS!!

bisforblack: And? Since when have I cared? Plus, this is Potions! The dullest thing since... no, wait… it is, has been and will always be the dullest thing in the world.

m00nyr0x: Two wrongs don't make a right, Padfoot.

bisforblack: But one skull drawing on the board makes a whole lot of laughs.

m00nyr0x: That whole "Give us homework and DIE!" thing? That skull looked like the Dark Mark, Padfoot. Kind of insensitive.

bisforblack: YOU WILL NOT MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY! And it did NOT look like the Dark Mark.

_evanslover is lovin' these laptop thingies and is now on Marauders' Chat_

evanslover: What are you two arguing about?!

m00nyr0x: How'd you know we were arguing?

evanslover: You've been sending each other death glares across the classroom… and Padfoot drew the Dark Mark on the board so I just knew you were going to reprimand him.

bisforblack: IT IS NOT THE DARK MARK!!

m00nyr0x: See! Even Prongs agrees with me!!

bisforblack: …

m00nyr0x: - "you know I'm right" look -

evanslover: sp0000kyyyy!!

m00nyr0x: Shut it, Prongs. - resumes staring at Padfoot -

bisforblack: WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS BE RIGHT?!

evanslover: BLOODY HELL! He just said that out loud too!!

m00nyr0x: - slaps self on forehead - We're done for.

_bisforblack, evanslover and m00nyr0x have been disconnected_

* * *

(Later, in Detention)

_padfootthegreat has made his little turn on the catwalk… no wait… on Marauders' Chat_

_evanslover has arrived on Marauders' Chat!_

_m00nyr0x, who KNEW this was going to happen, is on Marauders' Chat_

padfootthegreat: Why are we here??

m00nyr0x: BECAUSE OF YOU TWO!!

evanslover: HEY! You partook this time!

padfootthegreat: ?

m00nyr0x: Have you been sleeping or something?

padfootthegreat: I've run out of blood sugar. - yawn -

m00nyrr0x: Here, have some chocolate.

evanslover: Why, may I ask, do you have chocolate at a time like this?

m00nyr0x: …no reason…

evanslover: Merlin, this is boring.

m00nyr0x: We haven't been here for five minutes!

padfootthegreat: What did we do again?

m00nyr0x: We disturbed the class. You had an outburst and Prongs and I tried to cover, but it went horribly awry and potion was spilled all over the class.

padfootthegreat: Oh! Right! … What a lame way to get caught!

m00nyr0x: Get over yourself!

evanslover: At least we have Binns for detention since the Potions professor couldn't do it.

padfootthegreat: Yeah. He always sleeps.

m00nyr0x: …you just jinxed it!!

_evanslover, padfootthegreat and m00nyr0x have been disconnected_

* * *

(Even Later, In Detention AGAIN!)

_evanslover is sick of detention on Marauders' Chat_

_pisforpadfoot is too sexy for Marauders' Chat… and detention_

_m00nyr0x has blocked Marauders' Chat_

pisforpadfoot: Okay. How do we get detention for communicating in detention when Binns never even got the laptops to begin with? I mean, he saw them, but I made them disappear both he could get his hands on them!!

evanslover: I don't know and I don't care. All I know is that A) We've got McGonagall this time, so we better watch it and B) Moony's ignoring us.

pisforpadfoot: So you noticed? I've been throwing little pieces of paper at his head for the past 20 minutes!

evanslover: He's just being stubborn.

_m00nyr0x is about to explode on Marauders' Chat_

m00nyr0x: AM NOT! I just despise you two for landing me two consecutive detentions!! … and Padfoot, stop throwing things at me.

pisforpadfoot: Can do! Have you finished your lines yet?

m00nyr0x: "I will not use illegal communication devices during detention."? Almost. And don't say you want to copy them, because you still have to write it.

pisforpadfoot: Drat. PRONGS! Why are you ignoring us?!

m00nyr0x: He's not. He's simply drooling over Lily at the moment. You can see her out the window.

evanslover: AM NOT! I was… seeing how beautiful and sunny it is outside and how much it sucks to be in detention!!

m00nyr0x: As much as I agree with you on that point, I must say this: Yeah right.

evanslover: (curse you, Moony) Whatever.

_headofgryffindor has logged onto Marauders' Chat_ (A/n: It's McGonagall, everybody. Just in case you didn't get it! ;P)

headofgryffindor: Boys, you aren't using illegal communication devices in detention again, are you?

pisforpadfoot: ?!HOW DID YOU GET ON HERE?! I BLOCKED TEACHERS FROM THIS SERVER!!

m00nyr0x: - sigh - She's not head of Gryffindor for nothing, Padfoot.

headofgryffindor: Lupin, I'm ashamed of you. I expected this of Black and Potter, but you?

m00nyr0x: - sigh - Trust me. I was dragged into this by force.

pisforpadfoot and evanslover: WAS NOT!

headofgryffindor: As much as I'd like to give you all more detentions, that would cause a scandal throughout the whole school.

pisforpadfoot: I could see it already: "HEAD BOY/QUIDDITCH STAR, OUTSTANDING STUDENT AND HOTEST BOY IN SCHOOL GIVEN EXTREME AMOUNTS OF DETENTION!"

headofgryffindor: Black, I will remind you that you talking to a professor.

pisforpadfoot: So? You know it's true! - nudge, nudge, wink, wink -

headofgryffindor: Black, I'm giving you a final warning.

pisforpadfoot: Fine, fine.

headofgryffindor: It would cause a scandal AND I would have to suspend you from the Quidditch team and I am not in the mood of loosing the Cup.

evanslover: - jaw drops to floor -

headofgryffindor: Potter, I remind you I'm am your professor, but you understand now.

evanslover: Yes, professor!

headofgryffindor: Good. Now don't use those laptops during class again or else.

m00nyr0x, evanslover, pisforpadfoot: Yes, professor!

headofgryffindor: Good, now get out of here.

_headofgryffindor has logged off Marauders' Chat_

_m00nyr0x has logged off Marauders' Chat doing somersaults of joy_

_evanslover has left Marauders' Chat and is skeptical that Moony can pull of those somersaults_

_pisforpadfoot is too sexy for Marauders' Chat_

* * *

(Afterwards)

_evanslover has returned to Marauders' Chat_

_sexybeast#1 is bringing sexy back to Marauders' Chat_

_m00nyr0x has limped onto Marauders' Chat (somersaults hurt)_

m00nyr0x: Okay. McGonagall has just let us off! I can't believe it!

sexybeast#1: It's 'cause she can't resist me!

m00nyr0x: - skeptical - Keep telling yourself that and eventually you'll start believing it.

sexybeast#1: You big, fat, obese git!

m00nyr0x: Oh, nice. That's original!

evanslover: Moony, stop teasing him. I'm relieved that she didn't kick me off the Quidditch team! That would've been HORRIBLE!

sexybeast#1: True, true.

m00nyr0x: You're planning to use the laptops again, aren't you, Padfoot?

sexybeast#1: HOW DID YOU KNOW??

evanslover: sp00ky.

m00nyr0x: NOT AGAIN!

evanslover: he he he

m00nyr0x: Padfoot, you are not using the laptops again. We just escaped having detentions from now until graduation and you're going to get yourself caught again?

sexybeast#1: YOU'LL NEVER GET ME ALIVE!!

evanslover: Well, I would-

m00nyr0x: PRONGS!

evanslover: - hem, hem, don't interupt people, Moony - I said, I _would_ but I am not risking being kicked off the Quidditch team. Quidditch is my reason for living.

m00nyr0x and sexybeast#1: After Lily.

evanslover: I hate you people.

sexybeast#1: - high fives Moony -

m00nyr0x: (nice, Padfoot) Speaking of Lily, we haven't seen her a lot. Well, since your little drooling fest.

evanslover: I WAS NOT HAVING A DROOLING FEST!! I WAS SIMPLY ADMIRING THE WEATHER!!

m00nyr0x: Yeah. Riiiiight. We'll go with that.

evanslover: I TELL YOU I WASN'T!!

m00nyr0x: I'm not as dumb as Padfoot, Prongs.

sexybeast#1: Yeah- HEY! MOONY!!

evanslover: Evil sp00ky fiend.

m00nyr0x: ARGH! I AM NOT SP00KY!

evanslover: he he he. Sp00ky, sp00ky, sp00ky M00ny!!

m00nyr0x: - slams head on desk -

sexybeast#1: Ha ha ha!

m00nyr0x: I'll get you both. One of these days.

_evanslover, sexybeast#1 and m00nyr0x (WHO IS NOT SP00KY!) have logged off Marauders' Chat_

* * *

**P.S. People who review rock! If you've got any suggestions, send them to me 'cause it **_**is**_** the Marauders' Chatroom of Complete Randomness! And also, did anyone else notice that Sirius spelled "HOTTEST" wrong? If you didn't, don't worry, Remus didn't catch it either.**

**Remus: IT'S NOT **_**MY**_** FAULT SIRIUS IS BAD AT SPELLING!**

**Sirius: HEY!! I AM **_**RIGHT**_** HERE!!**

**James: … Freaks.**

**Yolapeoples: They're **_**your**_** friends.**

**James: (shrugs)**

**Yolapeoples: See you next time!! And it'll come faster this time! I solemnly swear it!**

**Sirius: That is **_**our**_** line!!**

**Yolapeoples: (shrugs) Ciao!**


	9. The Reindeer are After Moony

**Disclaimer: The prank is based on a true story about me pranking my brother. So, technically, you could say I own that, but then Santa might sue me for using a reindeer. So, I don't own any of it!!**

**The Reindeer are After Moony**

_m00nyr0x is going to catch the culprit on Marauders' Chat_

_somethingsirius is proud to be on Marauders' Chat_

_evanslover thinks that Padfoot's got some issues on Marauders' Chat_

somethingsirius: What was that, Prongs?

evanslover: You've got issues, being "proud to be on Marauders' Chat".

somethingsirius: Who wouldn't be proud to be a Marauder?

evanslover: Touché.

somethingsirius: -gasp- PRONGS HAS STOLEN LILY'S FRENCH DICTIONARY!

evanslover: Yeah… how about no?!

somethingsirius: I tried…

_m00nyr0x is going to catch the culprit on Marauders' Chat_

m00nyr0x: Which one of you is doing it?

somethingsirius: We love you too, Moony!

m00nyr0x: -death glare-

evanslover: It would appear that Moony's mad.

m00nyr0x: No duh.

somethingsirius: He's scary, Prongs.

evanslover: sp00ky.

m00nyr0x: -twitch-

evanslover: Okay, fine. What's wrong?

m00nyr0x: Which one of you is doing it? Unless it's the both of you!

evanslover: You're confusing me.

somethingsirius: Yes, do explain what you're accusing your best mates of, dearest Moony.

m00nyr0x: The reindeer. They're everywhere. THEY'RE AFTER ME, I TELL YOU!!

evanslover: ?!

somethingsirius: _Someone's_ a bit paranoid about Christmas.

m00nyr0x: No. I'm being serious-

somethingsirius: HEY!

evanslover: Not the time, Sirius.

m00nyr0x: They're everywhere!!

evanslover: Still confused.

somethingsirius: Don't make me bring back to fridges.

m00nyr0x: Someone is putting reindeer everywhere. In my book bag, on my desk in my classes, EVERYWHERE!!

evanslover: And you think one of us is behind it?

m00nyr0x: Yes, considering they all have little messages like "Have a good day of school - Your friend" and "Guess who!"

somethingsirius: But what makes you think that means _we_ are doing it?

m00nyr0x: Because only you two are capable of such a thing.

evanslover: It's just a bunch of reindeer, Moony. Don't you think you're over-

somethingsirius: WHAT ABOUT WORMTAIL?!

_mouseboy27 has appeared on Marauders' Chat_

mouseboy27: do not involve me in this.

somethingsirius: But why couldn't it be you?

mouseboy27: becuz i-

m00nyr0x: He's not smart enough (no offense) or annoying enough.

mouseboy27: none taken.

somethingsirius: You find Prongs and I annoying??

evanslover: I am taken aback!

somethingsirius: MOONY! I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!!

evanslover: How could you accuse such things??

somethingsirius: That's it! You are no longer my friend!

mouseboy27: -blinks-

m00nyr0x: And this only further proves my point.

somethingsirius: Wormtail, please tell Moony that I am not talking to him.

mouseboy27: Moony, um… Padft-

m00nyr0x: I heard him, Wormtail, but you can tell Padfoot that he doesn't have to be such an annoying git.

mouseboy27: Uh... Padft-

somethingsirius: -clasps hands over ears- NA! NA! NA! I'M NOT LISTENING!

m00nyr0x: Mature.

evanslover: ??

m00nyr0x: Where have you been?

evanslover: I HAVEN'T BEEN SPYING ON LILY! … I mean…

somethingsirius: Smooth, Prongs.

m00nyr0x: I thought you weren't talking.

somethingsirius: Wormtail, tell Moony that I am just not talking to him. Prongs is still my friend and therefore I am still talking to him.

mouseboy27: Um…

evanslover: Don't waste your breath, Wormtail.

m00nyr0x: Meanwhile, I've still got a slight reindeer problem! Which one of you was it?!

evanslover: Well, it wasn't me. Why would I send you reindeer? Though, I just might since you called me annoying.

m00nyr0x: Fine. Sorry for calling you annoying. You too, Padfoot.

somethingsirius: NA! NA! NA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

m00nyr0x: AAAHHH!!

evanslover: Moony?

mouseboy27: r u okay?

m00nyr0x: NO!! REINDEER! FLYING THROUGH THE WINDOW!! AAAAHH!!

somethingsirius: he he he

m00nyr0x: SUFFOCATING!! Wait… so it IS you, Padfoot!

somethingsirius: MUA HA HA!!

m00nyr0x: Prongs, Wormtail, I'm dying over here, literally.

evanslover: Fear not, Moony! We shall save you from the wrath of the reindeer.

_evanslover has run off to help Moony_

mouseboy27: Wow.

somethingsirius: Why aren't you going to help?

mouseboy27: What help am I going 2 b?

somethingsirius: Good point.

mouseboy27: What did u do w/ the reindeer anyways?

somethingsirius: Simple multiplication spell, so I could make lots of copies, and then some levitating charms. Not so tough stuff.

m00nyr0x: …

somethingsirius: All I wanted to do it spread some Christmas cheer. Leave it to Moony to think the reindeer were after him.

m00nyr0x: STOP SENDING THIS DAMN THINGS!!

_evanslover is back on Marauders' Chat_

evanslover: Yo. I unearthed Moony and shrunk all the reindeer.

m00nyr0x: Yeah, but we're both typing with one hand each since we have to fight off the onslaught of incoming reindeer!! PADFOOT!!

somethingsirius: ADMIT THAT I AM NOT ANNOYING AND PROMISE TO TAKE PART IN THE YEARLY SNOWBALL FIGHT ON THE FIRST DAY OF BREAK IN TWO DAYS OR IT'S MORE REINDEER!!

m00nyr0x: Fine!

somethingsirius: SOLEMNELY SWEAR IT!

m00nyr0x: WHAT?!

somethingsirius: I'm waiting.

m00nyr0x: Fine. I promise!

somethingsirius: SAY IT!!

m00nyr0x: Fine. I SOLEMNELY SWEAR THAT I, REMUS LUPIN, DO NOT THINK PADFOOT IS ANNOYING AND PROMISE TO PARTAKE IN THE SNOWBALL FIGHT ON THE FIRST DAY OF BREAK IN TWO DAYS!!

somethingsirius: Good.

evanslover: phew.

mouseboy27: …

somethingsirius: Now, Moony, you keep acting like a good boy and I won't send anymore reindeer, but remember: I'm always watching!!

evanslover: Yeah. That's not sketchy in any way, shape or form.

somethingsirius: I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!

mouseboy27: sure u didn't.

somethingsirius: NNNNOOOOOOOO!!

m00nyr0x: FREAKS OF NATURE! THE LOT OF YOU!

m00nyr0x: OW!

somethingsirius: ??

mouseboy27: ??

m00nyr0x: Prongs threw a reindeer at my head.

evanslover: REINDEER FIGHT!

somethingsirius: AWESOME!!

m00nyr0x: You've won the battle but not the war. -throws reindeer at Prongs' head-

evanslover: AAHH!! I NEED REINFORCEMENTS!!

evanslover: GET OVER HERE, GUYS!!

somethingsirius: Cooommmiiinngg!!

_somethingsirius has coming to join the war effort!_

_mouseboy27 is coming too!!_

_m00nyr0x will stand his ground!_

_evanslover… must… dodge… reindeer…_

* * *

**REINDEER FIGHT!! My only question is why Remus and James didn't just simply close the window.**

**Remus: WHY DIDN'T WE THINK OF THAT??**

**James: HEY! You're supposed to be the smart one.**

**Sirius: REINDEER!!**

**Me: Sorry, Remus can't respond at the moment as he has just run out of the room, pursued by multiple flying reindeer stuffed animals.**

**James and Sirius: Please review!**


	10. Marauders and Marauderesses

****

Disclaimer: You have no idea how many things would be different in the Harry Potter books if I owned 'em. For instance, Sirius would have a chainsaw -coughMegcough- And also, Isabella, Mary and Jackeline here would exist, as hard as it is for me to write their lines. -pretends to puke- I am also not MC Hammer.

**Marauders and Marauderesses**

_siriusblacksgirl52 has logged onto The Marauderesses Lair_

_potterismine304 has logged onto The Marauderesses Lair_

_remusmaniac96 has logged onto The Marauderesses Lair_

siriusblackgirl152: I now call this official meeting of the Marauderesses to order.

remusmaniac96: Huzzah! What's on the agenda today, Jackeline?

siriusblackgirl152: I don't know, but don't call me that, Mary!

remusmaniac96: Sorry,_ Jacky_.

potterismine304: I know! That little bitch, Lily Evans.

remusmaniac96: Whoa! Thank god for T rating.

potterismine304: But it's true! That little wench is stealing James Potter away from me! -begins crying-

siriusblack152: We know what you mean, Isabella.

remusmaniac96: Yes. There, there.

potterismine304: It's… it's just not fair! She doesn't deserve him!! And the number of times she's rejected him!! -cries hysterically-

siriusblack152: Well, you should set your standards higher. Now, Sirius Black… -swoon-

remusmaniac96: Black is nothing compared to Remus Lupin!! -fangirly screams-

potterismine304: But, I know that James and I are made for each other! That Evans is just getting in the way!! -still crying-

siriusblack152: Its okay, Isabella. We all think Evans is way out of line. Even thinking about rejecting a Marauder is outrageous! But then becoming friends with them -faints-

remusmaniac96: Yeah! It's not right!! It's one thing for Peter to be a Marauder. As unpopular as he is, at least he's a guy! But for a girl to get so cozy with the Marauders -falls over dead-

potterismine304: -dries some tears- Thanks, girls.

siriusblack152: It is true though, Isabella! Her behavior is unacceptable! Despicable even!

potterinmine304: And it's not as if that was enough, Jackie! Those other two, Evan's friends, Harmony and Morgan or whatever! I've seen them getting cozy enough with the Marauders!

remusmaniac96: -flames in eyes- If I could get my hands on that witch!

siriusblack152: This is horrible! This can go on no more! We Marauderesses must take action to save our beloveds!

potterismine304: YEAH!

* * *

_reindeermastaaa, YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS! on Marauders' Chat_

_m00nyr0x wishes Padfoot would stop on Marauders' Chat_

_evanslover laughes at Padfoot's screen name on Marauders' Chat_

reindeermastaaa: I AM DA REINDEER MASTAAA!!

m00nyr0x: Argh.

evanslover: I can't believe our reindeer battle was that intense.

m00nyr0x: Don't remind me. Please. Don't.

evanslover: I can't believe it though. I mean, Padfoot and I had you cornered and then Padfoot decided to attack me too.

reindeermastaaa: I brought you both down! Not to mention Peter!

reindeermastaaa: As I said before, I AM DA REINDEER MASTAAA!!

m00nyr0x: Argh. -slaps self on forehead-

reindeermastaaa: COOL!!

_lilyflower has logged on to Marauders' Chat_

evanslover: Lily?

reindeermastaaa: You've come on here WILLINGLY?!

_melodymaker has also logged onto Marauders' Chat, boys, so don't freak_

melodymakers: It appears I'm a bit too late to not let you freak, Sirius.

lilyflower: Yeah, well…

_cisforcookie is has caught up to her friends on Marauders' Chat_

reindeermastaaa: AAAHH!! TOO MANY UN-SIRIUS LOVING GIRLS ON MY PAD OF BACHERLORTUDE!!

cisforcookie: I am going to pretend I didn't just read that because _that_ was just weird.

m00nyr0x: Ditto.

m00nyr0x: Prongs, snap out of it. -snaps fingers in front of James' face-

evanslover: CHEESE FONDU! I mean, yes, Moony? -evil glare-

reindeermastaaa: -has run for the comfort of his bomb shelter-

lilyflower: Thank god!

reindeermastaaa: HEY! I TAKE OFFENSE TO THAT!!

m00yr0x: Be quiet you. -slams door of bomb shelter in Padfoot's face-

reindeermastaaa: -whimpers and makes puppy dog face-

m00nyr0x: Going to pretend I didn't just see that.

m00nyr0x: Why are you all on here anyway?

melodymaker: We're bored…

lilyflower: …and we've got nothing to do…

cisforcookie: …so we've decided to come on here and bug you guys.

reindeermastaaa: It's scary how they finish each other's sentences like that.

lilyflower: -slams door of bomb shelter in Sirius' face again-

reindeermastaaa: HEY!! Okay, I'm out of the bomb shelter! Jeeze.

* * *

_siriusblackgirl152 has forced her way onto Junior Death Eaters' Outcove_

sectumsempra: What the hell? Who are you? What are you doing here? More importantly, how did you get on here?

greenandsilver43: Yeah, this chat room is for Slytherins only. And no Marauders' fans!!

siriusblackgirl152: You don't understand.

_potterismine304 has logged onto Junior Death Eaters' Outcove_

_remusmaniac96 is also here on Junior Death Eaters' Outcove_

sectumsempra: AH! WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING ON HERE?!

potterismine304: Let me explain…

greenandsilver43: We don't want any of your explanations! Get off now or we'll use deadly force.

remusmaniac96: WAIT!

sectumsempra: Fine. Explain yourselves.

remusmaniac96: Okay. My name is Mary, 6th year Ravenclaw.

siriusblackgirl152: Jacky, 7th year Gryffindor.

greenandsilver43: -twitch-

sectumsempra: Continue.

potterismine304: Isabella, 5th year Hufflepuff.

siriusblackgirl152: We are the leaders of our respective Marauder fan clubs and together we form the Marauderesses.

sectumsempra: Stop boring me with your jibberish and tell me what you want from us.

siriusblackgirl152: Well, I know for a fact that you, Severus Snape, 7th year Slytherin, loathe the Marauders.

sectumsempra: -sarcastically- What gave you that idea?

remusmaniac96: We need your help.

greenandsilver43: Since when do fan girls team up with their idols' archenemies?

potterismine304: Who are you exactly?

greenandsilver43: Wouldn't you like to know?

siriusblackgirl152: For your information, we are not planning on bringing the Marauders down anytime soon. We just want to get those annoying girls that stick to them as "friends" out of the way.

greenandsilver43: And what makes you think we would want to help you?

siriusblackgirl152: I don't know, but I thought that you might be relatively willing.

greenandsilver43: You obviously thought wrong. Who are these girls you plan are destroying anyway?

remusmaniac96: So, you are somewhat interested.

greenandsilver43: I never said that. I would just like to know.

potterismine304: Lily, Morgan and Harmony, all 7th year Gryffindors.

greenandsilver43: I see Miss Jacky doesn't care too much about house fidelity than, does she?

siriusblackgirl152: Those girls just need to learn a lesson to stay away from the Marauders.

sectumsempra: Fine. We're in. Now what do you want us to do?

* * *

m00nyr0x: Now that we've sorted out Sirius and his "bomb shelter"…

reindeermastaaa: DO NOT DISS THE BOMB SHELTER OR MY REINDEER WILL GET YOU!!

cisforcookie: ??

evanslover: Long story, involving flying reindeer stuffed animals and wars.

lilyflower: I see. You boys really have no life.

reindeermastaaa: I have a life! Just a very strange one.

m00nyr0x: I believe we've gone over this before. You can not be "da reindeer mastaaa", have 2957 usernames AND a life.

melodymaker: 2957??

reindeermastaaa: AND PROUD OF IT!

melodymaker: I wholeheartedly agree with Remus.

evanslover: All in favor that Padfoot has no life, say "I". I!

lilyflower: I.

cisforcookie: I.

m00nyr0x: I.

melodymaker: I.

reindeermastaaa: NOT I!!

m00nyr0x: So, we've reached a unanimous decision.

reindeermastaaa: Hello!! Earth to Moony! I said "NOT I".

m00nyr0x: You're opinion doesn't count.

reindeermastaaa: - snaps fingers- Aw, man.

evanslover: he he he.

reindeermastaaa: Does anyone else have the feeling that something really bad is going to happen?

evanslover: No, other than Moony exacting revenge against you, why?

reindeermastaaa: Well, Moony doesn't scary me too much, but...

evanslover: He's supposed to! He's sp00ky!!

m00nyr0x: …

reindeermastaaa: ...but I honestly don't know.

lilyflower: I'm sorry to admit it, but he's got somewhat of a point.

cisforcookie: -jaw drops to floor-

melodymaker: Wow. The apocalypse must be approaching fast.

m00nyr0x: What makes you say that?

melodymaker: Well, first Lily admitting falling for James and then Lily agreeing with something Sirius said.

melodymaker: Oh wait a second…

lilyflower: HARMONY!!

evanslover: …

lilyflower: ARGH!!

_lilyflower has run away_

melodymaker: Man, I really screwed that one up.

reindeermastaaa: I believe we could say that that was worse than any of my mess-ups, couldn't we, Moony?

m00nyr0x: No, because last time you messed up, _I_ ended up in detention.

reindeermastaaa: Oh yeaaa…

m00nyr0x: …

m00nyr0x: YO! PRONGS!

evanslover: I wasn't supposed to know that, was I?

cisforcookie: WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE??

evanslover: ??

melodymaker: RUN AFTER HER, MAN!!

evanslover: ?!

cisforcookie: GO ALREADY!!

evanslover: I'm going!!

_evanslover has run off after Lily_

m00nyr0x: … You planned that all, didn't you?

melodymaker: Maybe.

cisforcookie: Harmony isn't one to make those kind of mistakes. Especially when there's a backspace button. And Lily's bound to figure that out eventually.

melodymaker: But let's just hope Jamesie-boy makes it to her first.

reindeermastaaa: I'm not sure whether to think of you as geniuses or pure evil incarnate.

m00nyr0x: Big words! Claps for Sirius!

reindeermastaaa: Shuddup.

melodymaker: I believe we'll take both, won't we, Morgan?

cisforcookie: Yes. I do like the idea of being an evil genius.

reindeermastaaa: STOP! SIRIUS TIME!

m00nyr0x, cisforcookie, melodymaker: ?!

reindeermastaaa: Dun dun dun dun, dun dun, dun dun, CAN'T TOUCH THIS! Dun dun dun dun, dun dun, dun dun, CAN'T TOUCH THIS!

m00nyr0x: -slams head onto desk-

cisforcookie: As fun as that was, how 'bout we go spy on James and Lily?

melodymaker: Oh yes! Let's!

m00nyr0x: You truly are evil.

melodymaker: And that's what makes us so awesome. -wink-

reindeermastaaa: AAHH!! PROOF! PROOF, I SAY! PROOF!!

melodymaker: What?

reindeermastaaa: I'LL SEE YOU IN COURT!!

melodymaker: Okay. I warn you, I always win.

m00nyr0x: It's true, Padfoot.

reindeermastaaa: YOU MEAN, she's even beaten Sir Moony, Sp00ky Master of All??

m00nyr0x: STOP WITH THE SP00KY THING!!

cisforcookie: GUYS! If we don't hurry up, we'll miss out on the love fest!!

_Marauders' Chat has been abandoned by the quartet that has gone spying in hopes of catching a glimpse of what is happening between Lily and James._

* * *

_Junior Death Eaters' Alcove has been abandoned by the Marauderesses and the Slytherins who have gone off to plot their evil schemes._

* * *

**Post Scriptum: So, there it is. What could they possibly be plotting? Hmm... -strokes imaginary beard- Anyway, I need a name for _greenandsilver43, _like a real person name of sorts, but I can't really think of anything. If anyone's got ideas (the randomer the better), please post them in your reply. Thanks in advance!**


	11. Shrubbery is So Very Unreliable

**Disclaimer: OMFlippityG. -screams at self- I haven't updated since the beginning of the month!! AAAHHH!! And to think I wrote this when school was still in session!! Must finish and post! "gangstasirius" is dedicated to Spongyllama who made the mistake of spurring my randomness on. Of course, according to Sirius, being 'gangsta' just involves adding 'yo' to the end of almost everything he says. His second user is dedicated to my friends who all seem to have the same sense of humor. ONWARD!!**

**Shrubbery is So Very Unreliable**

_gangstasirius has arrived on Marauders' Chat, yo._

_evanslover is kind of annoyed at his friends on Marauders' Chat_

gangstasirius: Yo! Wuz wrong, my brotha from another motha?

evanslover: …Why are you talking like that?

gangstasirius: Don't get up in my grillz, boy! Wuz wrong wit you?

evanslover: Um… does having four of my stupid friends fall through the shrubbery onto the girl of my dreams and I about to kiss ring any bells?

gangstasirius: -listens intently to surroundings- Nope. No bells.

evanslover: Well, I hope you're all proud of yourselves.

_m00nyr0x has decided to give in and join in on Marauders' Chat_

m00nyr0x: Honestly, you don't understand.

evanslover: What is there to understand?

gangstasirius: Yo! 'Sup, Moony, my home-dog?

m00nyr0x: Padfoot, I am _not_ your "home-dog".

gangstasirius: -pouts- Why not, yo?

m00nyr0x: I'm just not.

gangstasirius: :(

m00nyr0x: But Prongs, all that happened was that we were listening in and then Padfoot here tripped and fell and what can I say? Gravity. And, anyway, I heard that you and Lily are going out now. So, where's the damage?

evanslover: O.O I'm going out with Lily Evans.

m00nyr0x: You just noticed now, didn't you?

evanslover: -shakes head up and down vigorously-

m00nyr0x: Wow.

gangstasirius: …yo.

evanslover: I'M GOING OUT WITH LILY EVANS!! LILY EVANS IS MY-

m00nyr0x: Prongs, WAIT!!

gangstasirius: HOLD UP, YO!!

evanslover: -GIRLFRIEND!!

_lilyflower has been dragged not-so-forcefully to Marauders' Chat_

lilyflower: ?

gangstasirius: BUSTED!

lilyflower: What are you blathering about, Sirius?

gangstasirius: He called you his girlfriend, yo!

lilyflower: And so? It's true.

m00nyr0x: -has fallen out of his chair and onto the floor-

_melodymaker has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

melodymaker: I warned you all! APOCALYPSE!! -starts running around in circles, panicking and screaming her head off-

_cisforcookie has arrived on Marauders' Chat as well_

lilyflower: Shut up, Harmony.

melodymaker: -smirk-

lilyflower: Or I'll tell 'im.

melodymaker: Shutting up!

gangstasirius: ?

cisforcookie: ... What up in da hood, Sirius?

gangstasirius: … I'm going ta pretend that ain't an insult, yo.

melodymaker: I will pretend not to laugh… wait… too late!

m00nyr0x: -rolls eyes-

m00nyr0x: … -sigh- PRONGS!

gangstasirius: YO!!

m00nyr0x: -death glare-

evanslover: Sp00ky!!

m00nyr0x: ARGH!!

cisforcookie: By the way, I wanted to ask Lily! Have you felt like you were being followed?

lilyflower: Actually, now that you mention it, sort of.

evanslover: Why?

cisforcookie: Well, they were these three girls that were staring at Lily as she went up to James this morning at breakfast.

m00nyr0x: Three girls? Who were they?

cisforcookie: I don't know. As soon as they noticed me watching them, they ran away. All I know is that they all in different houses, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Gryffindor.

melodymaker: That's weird.

gangstasirius: I know waz going on in da hood, yo!

cisforcookie: Will you stop?

gangstasirius: No way, man. But I do know, yo!!

m00nyr0x: Harmony, I think you were right. The end of the world is near indeed… unless this is some other theory of Sirius'. Remember when he was convinced that there were little gnome people living under his bed, stealing his socks?

evanslover: That was weird.

gangstasirius: I'm tellin' you's! I swearz they was there, yo! How else do you's explain da missin' socks??

lilyflower: But wait. Who's staulking me??

gangstasirius: It's dem Marauderesses, yo.

evanslover: You've got to be kidding me.

lilyflower: Wait. Marauder_esses_?

m00nyr0x: -sigh- They're an old fan club of, well, ours. They were crazy. But James told them off and we _thought_ they had broken up. I guess not.

evanslover: It was an inter-house group of insane girls who were obsessed with us. They were kind of scary, but I told them to get lost because… well… uh…

lilyflower: Yes?

evanslover: Well, I told them that I loved you and only you. Not them. -blush-

melodymaker, cisforcookie, gangstasirius, and m00nyr0x: Aww…

melodymaker, cisforcookie, gangstasirius, and m00nyr0x: GET A ROOM!!

lilyflower: -blush- You're ones to talk!

gangstasirius: Shrubbery is so unreliable these days…yo.

m00nyr0x: ANYWAY, it seems we've got an issue on our hands. If the Marauderesses are back, it means trouble for all of us.

melodymaker: How are Morgan and I involved??

evanslover: They'll go after anyone and everyone who even thinks of being our friend, mostly if they're girls though. But, of course, Lily's in the most danger.

m00nyr0x: But they shouldn't be that much to get all worked up about, they're not top students or anything. We've only got to worry about it if they get some tricks up their sleeves.

lilyflower: Wow. You guys talk about them as if they're Voldemort. What did they do exactly?

evanslover: Many things…

m00nyr0x: They're the reason for James' bigheadedness! -chuckles-

evanslover: HEY! FORMER BIGHEADEDNESS!! … right?

lilyflower: Yes.

melodymaker, cisforcookie, gangstasirius, and m00nyr0x: Aww…

lilyflower: Will you stop?!

melodymaker: Most…

cisforcookie: …Likely…

gangstasirius: …Definitely…

m00nyr0x: …Not.

evanslover: Argh. But I guess Remus acted the best with them. Politely refusing everything they pushed on him. Of course, Sirius acted all mature…

m00nyr0x: And went out with every single one who asked him.

gangstasirius: No 'body asked you, yo!!

cisforcookie: Who woulda thunk it!

gangstasirius: I shall explain… but in rap. Moony, if you please.

m00nyr0x: If you're asking for a beat box, I say NO WAY!!

gangstasirius: …You stink, Moony. Prongs, if you please?

evanslover: You're pushing the envelope, but oh well. -begins beat box noises-

gangstasirius: Here goes everythin'! -deep breath-

m00nyr0x: STOP!!

gangstasirius: O.O

evanslover: O.O

cisforcookie: o.O?

lilyflower: ??

melodymaker: Uh… Remus? Are you okay?

m00nyr0x: Yeah. You just have no idea how much I _don't_ want to hear Sirius rap.

gangstasirius: …Yo, Wuz wrong wit you, man?? You ain't seen nothin' 'til you hear me rap, yo!

lilyflower: Before you scar Remus (and the rest of us) for life, Sirius, I suggest you just explain normally.

gangstasirius: Y'all ain't no fun now!!

_gangstasirius has run away from the hatin'_

_manho69 has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

manho69: So, here goes everything: I dated them all; sue me.

cisforcookie: Sirius… what is with your username?

m00nyr0x: Oh I give up!

evanslover: I worry for your sanity as much as Padfoot's, Moony.

m00nyr0x: Thanks Prongs. That really helps.

lilyflower: GUYS!! WE'VE GOT TRANSFIGURATION NEXT!! AS IN NOW!!

melodymaker: Yikes! Gotta go.

_melodymaker has run off to class._

_lilyflower has gone to class too._

_cisforcookie is G-O-N-E, gone._

evanslover: She's right! We've got to go to class!

m00nyr0x: Prongs, since when do you care so much about class? Not that I'm objecting or anything.

manho69: Don't tell me you're doing this because of Lily, mate.

evanslover: What?! NO! You guys know that Transfiguration is my best class!

m00nyr0x: Uh-huh.

manho69: Suuure.

_evanslover has left._

m00nyr0x: I don't know about you, but I'm going to class.

_m00nyr0x has gone to class._

manho69: Goody-goody two shoes the lot of you!

_manho69 is going to class… but will be tardy on purpose. HA!_


	12. Sirius Black IS Paris Hilton

**Disclaimer: Based on a true story… sadly again… Seriously, I took a conversation I had with two of my friends and altered it slightly to fit the Marauders!! WHY DO I HAVE SUCH A WEIRD LIFE?! And, no, I do not own Harry Potter. If I did, then maybe I'd be a bit more normal, but alas, I do not therefore I am insane. I also do not own anything else I might allude to that might belong to someone else. Thanks for being patient!**

**Sirius Black IS Paris Hilton**

_somethingsirius is extremely annoyed on Marauders' Chat_

_evanslover is trying to control his laughter on Marauders' Chat_

_m00nyr0x says "I told you so" on Marauders' Chat_

m00nyr0x: How's our favorite pop diva?

evanslover: Or her lame sidekick.

somethingsirius: Moony, I hate you.

m00nyr0x: I hate you too, Padfoot, but what did you expect?

somethingsirius: I DID NOT EXPECT YOU TO GIVE ME LONG, BLOND HAIR, A HIGH PITCHED, GIRLY VOICE AND PARIS HILTON SUNGLASSES THAT ARE CURSED SO THAT I CAN'T TAKE THEM OFF!!

m00nyr0x: He he he. Well, now you know.

evanslover: As long as you don't start going on about the latest shoe model or your new Prada handbag and flip your pretty blond hair in the wind while taking off your Paris Hilton sunglasses, I think you'll be okay.

somethingsirius: PROBLEM: I CAN'T TAKE THEM OFF!!

m00nyr0x: I am a genius.

somethingsirius: You are a truly screwed up evil person. It is my firm belief that Moony was not born, but was instead spawned fully formed from the fires of Mount Doom into the screwed up adolescent he is today!

m00nyr0x: -snaps fingers- Drat. Did you figure that out on your own digit? I guess you've found me out. But at least being a truly evil being spawned from the fire of Mount Doom is better than being Paris Hilton's retarded clone aka wannabe sidekick. I've got that skillz to pay the billz.

somethingsirius: EVIIIIL MOOONYY!!

evanslover: Moony, please don't ever say that last part again.

somethingsirius: Niiice, J.

evanslover: J?? Since when am I J??

somethingsirius: You've been demoted to a single letter of the alphabet for supporting Moony in his evil plots that involve turning me into Paris Hilton's retarded sidekick!!

m00nyr0x: You deserved it.

evanslover: And Moony could've done much worse.

somethingsirius: Yeah. So that what? I'd be the whole world's laughing stock?! I hope you proud of yourselves.

m00nyr0x: I am. Trust me, I am.

somethingsirius: I hate you people! I'm leaving!

_somethingsirius has left Marauders' Chat_

m00nyr0x: Suure. That's what you say. Watch you crawl back to me with help on the Defense Against the Dark Arts homework!!

evanslover: ADIOS PADFOOT AKA PARIS HILTON!!

m00nyr0x: You loser; you're still online, reading every word.

evanslover: -gasp- TRAITOR!!

_parishilton2 has come out of hiding on Marauders' Chat_

parishilton2: Okay, fine. I don't hate you guys, but come on! Blond hair, girly voice and stupid sunglasses?! What are you going to do next? Implants??

evanslover: Don't give him ideas, Padfoot.

m00nyr0x: I'm not that evil, Prongs. I just wanted Padfoot to get a taste of his own medicine, except without the reindeer-iness.

parishilton2: Well, it isn't funny.

evanslover: Yes, Padfoot, yes it is. It's absolutely hilarious.

evanslover: HILARIOUS!!

evanslover: Must repeat words for emphasis.

evanslover: **EMPHASIS!!**

m00nyr0x: Sure. -backs away slowly from Prongs-

evanslover: No, really. It was hilarious.

parishilton2: -twitch in anger-

m00nyr0x: Prongs, you're making yourself look like an ass.

evanslover: ASS!

evanslover: **EMPHASIS!!** -cue butt dance-

parishilton2: Moony, Prongs is scaring me. What did you do to him?!

m00nyr0x: Surprisingly, I haven't done anything.

parishilton2: Can you take the spell of me then?

m00nyr0x: No.

parishilton2: Whaaann!! You do realize you just ruined my day.

evanslover: Sorry! I was joking! And it's called a sugar high!! Honestly!! -puts on extremely sad puppy dog pout face-

parishilton2: Doesn't work if I can't see you.

parishilton2: Ha.

evanslover: HE LAUGHS! HE LIVES!

evanslover: LIIIVES!!

parishilton2: **EMPHASIS!!** (ha! beat you to it!)

m00nyr0x: You guys are so retarded.

evanslover: **EMPHASIS!!** At least I'm not _that_ retarded.

parishilton2: You're not alone in the retarded world, than again, neither am I?

m00nyr0x: Good, Padfoot. You learn quickly.

parishilton2: Take the spell off me?

m00nyr0x: Over my dead body.

parishilton2: I might have to arrange that! ;)

evanslover: HE SMILES! HE LIVES!

evanslover: LIIIVVESS!!

evanslover: **EMPHASIS!!** (mua ha ha, beat you this time!)

parishilton2: **EMPHASIS!!**

m00nyr0x: laaaaaaaame.

evanslover: Monkeys are purple! -smiles with smug look on face-

parishilton2: …ok.

m00nyr0x: Sure, Prongs. We'll go with that.

evanslover: -shrugs- I was feeling random.

m00nyr0x: What is with you today?

parishilton2: He's just super happy because his famous Lily-hunting is finally paying off.

evanslover: Shut up, Padfoot. AND STOP CUTTING UP ALL MY DAMN POST IT NOTES!

m00nyr0x: …?

evanslover: Padfoot is entertaining himself by cutting up the very few notes from Potions I have (most of them from you). By the way, Moony, what's that stupid potion we learned about last year? I hate this Potions paper with a burning passion.

parishilton2: I hate Moony with a burning passion.

m00nyr0x: That was _really_ specific, Prongs, but I think you're talking about Felix Felicis. I used that in my paper too. And thanks Padfoot, but the feeling's mutual.

evanslover: "used" meaning you're done?

parishilton2: HEY! MOONY, YOU MEANIE! I'M THE ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE PARIS HILTON!

m00nyr0x: Of course I'm done. It _is_ due tomorrow, Prongs.

evanslover: You're kidding!

m00nyr0x: Um... no. Slughorn said it today in class. Or were you zoning out on Lily again?

parishilton2: Stupid Prongs moment.

parishilton2: :D

evanslover: ):(

parishilton2: ):(

evanslover: ):P

parishilton2: ):P

evanslover: Stop copying my smileys!!

parishilton2: SMILEYS!

parishilton2: **EMPHASIS!!**

m00nyr0x: Maybe I should go…

parishilton2: I am re-tart-ted.

m00nyr0x: Yeah. Time to go.

evanslover: Why?! Its fun being retarded!

m00nyr0x: Uh huh. You keep telling yourself that, Prongs, Paris Hilton.

parishilton2: Deep down, Moony, you're retarded just like us!

evanslover: So true, but aren't we all?

m00nyr0x: Leaving…

parishilton2: WAIT! TAKE THIS STUPID SPELL OF ME!!

m00nyr0x: No.

parishilton2: Are you staying or going? Because we're trying really hard not to be completely insane! (jkjkjk)

m00nyr0x: Why do you feel the need to use three 'jk's? And sucking up won't help you.

parishilton2: Because I am… the… **_SIRIUS-STER!_** (Or at least I was until I became Paris Hilton's retarded sidekick, _Messr. Moony_.)

m00nyr0x: I do have to go soon though. I want to return my library book before curfew.

evanslover: **OKAY!**

evanslover: **OBNOXIOUSLY BOLD TYPE!!**

evanslover: **TYPE!**

parishilton2: **EMPHASIS!**

m00nyrox: I'll be right back, okay?

evanslover: **What??**

evanslover: **You're leaving me with... _him_?**

m00nyrox: I'm just going to the Library, Prongs.

evanslover: **NOOOO!!**

evanslover: **I am doomed.**

parishilton2: **Hi Prongs. I'm your worst nightmare.**

m00nyrox: Sorry, Prongs.

evanslover: **Would you hurry up and leave already so you can hurry up and get back??**

parishilton2: **-twilight zone music-**

evanslover: **When you can't beat 'em, join 'em. -butt dance-**

m00nyr0x:… I'm back.

evanslover: **What have you done? You've left us alone in a room with wands and post-it notes!**

m00nyr0x: No offence, Prongs, but I was gone for an excess of five minutes.

evanslover: **And in those five minutes, Padfoot has scarred me for life. -falls over and dies-**

parishilton2: **MOONY LIVES!**

parishilton2: **LIVES!**

m00nyr0x: Yes, I do. Not so sure about Prongs though.

parishilton2: **EMPHASIS!**

m00nyr0x: Prongs? Are you still alive?

parishilton2: **Nope. I killed him. -evil laugh-**

m00nyr0x: Suuuure. Hey Prongs! On my way to the library, I saw Amos Diggory hitting on Lily!

evanslover: **WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?!**

parishilton2: **Welcome back to the world of the living!**

m00nyr0x: I was kidding about Diggory, Prongs. Chill out.

evanslover: **How dare you.**

parishilton2: **Tsk, tsk. SHAME ON YOU, MOONY!**

parishilton2: **Now get this spell off me, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssseeee!!**

m00nyr0x: Hold on a sec.

evanslover: **WHAT? AGAIN?**

evanslover: **We've even got Indiana Jones music this time!**

m00nyr0x: Sorry guys. Wormtail wants some help with his essay.

parishilton2: **What?**

evanslover: **CURSE YOU, PETER! PADFOOT'S GOT 'MILKSHAKE' ON HIS LAPTOP!**

parishilton2: **DAMN RIGHT!**

m00nyr0x: Okaaay.

parishilton2: **-plays Indiana Jones theme song-**

m00nyr0x: I am officially confused.

evanslover: **Padfoot's got some weird Muggle thing on his laptop that lets him play music. Mostly Muggle stuff though.**

parishilton2: **It's called Itunes, Prongs. -scoff-**

evanslover: **O.O You didn't alter his personality with that Paris Hilton spell, did you?**

m00myr0x: I doubt it. Padfoot's pretty crazy when he's got high blood sugar.

parishilton2: **I've got -says in really, really high pitched voice:- HIGH BLOOD SUGAR!**

m00nyr0x: Prongs, how much sugar did Padfoot have?

evanslover: **Well, he was mourning the loss of his "beautiful" looks in the kitchens this afternoon so I'd say about three bags.**

m00nyr0x: Three bags… of sugar.

_lilyflower has logged on to Marauders' Chat_

evanslover: Hi Lily.

lilyflower: Hey James.

m00nyr0x and parishilton2: …

evanslover: Go away guys.

m00nyr0x: What??

parishilton2: YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE SECRET LOVEY-DOVEY TIME ON THE MARAUDERS' CHATROOM OF COMPLETE RANDOMNESS!!

evanslover: PADFOOT!

lilyflower: BLACK!

parishilton2: Yes? -sings Indiana Jones music-

lilyflower: Freak.

parishilton2: That's freak of nature to you, Evans. Where'd Moonpie go?

m00nyr0x: I'm right here and don't call me that.

lilyflower: By the way, Remus, I congratulate you on your fine spell work. Black hasn't looked this good in years.

parishilton2: Shut up, Lily.

parishilton2: I PLAY INDIANA JONES FROM WITHIN!! LITERALLY!

lilyflower: ?!

evanslover: He ate three bags of sugar.

lilyflower: Oh.

evanslover: He stuck on of the speakers he has for his laptop in his tummy and screamed that to the world. In case you were curious.

lilyflower: Ok then!

m00nyr0x: -shakes head disapprovingly-

parishilton2: I PLAY INDIANA JONES FROM WITHIN!!

parishilton2: UNDER BUTT! MY BUTT PLAYS MUSIC!

lilyflower: Maybe I should go…

evanslover: No! Don't leave!

m00nyr0x: Escape while there's still a chance.

evanslover: He just sat on the speaker for Pete's sake.

parishilton2: Why would you go? This is getting interesting! Of course, why am I not supprised?

m00nyr0x: You can not be "supprised".

parishilton2: MOONY!

lilyflower: This is so weird.

parishilton2: IS NOT!

lilyflower: Yeah well I'm not there, so I'm only getting random outbursts.

parishilton2: But that's the most interesting part!

evanslover: Are you going to leave?

lilyflower: No.

parishilton2: No.

evanslover: Darn.

lilyflower: James?

evanslover: I meant Sirius, Lily.

parishilton2: CURSE YOU!! I have already said this: There will be no secret lovey-dovey time on my computer.

evanslover: You suck.

parishilton2: Lollipops.

evanslover: I'm not gonna go there.

m00nyr0x: … -feels like slapping himself on the forehead multiple times-

lilyflower: And on that incredibly scary note... I've got to go.

evanslover: Wait, Lily! Are you free any time soon?

lilyflower: All night.

evanslover: Then why are you leaving??

m00nyr0x: I think it's because she hates you, Padfoot.

lilyflower: I have some work I want to finish.

parishilton2: Why would anyone in their right mind hate me??

parishilton: Thinking about it: "all night" can be taken pretty sketchy.

lilyflower: I sincerely hate you, Black. Now I've got to go.

parishilton2: Curse you. I know what you're doing! You're going to talk with your lover! OMG! CHEATING ON PRONGS!! -girlish gasp- It's Diggory, isn't it?!

lilyflower: ??

m00nyr0x: Not going to ask.

evanslover: Padfoot…

parishilton2: He he he. -more butt dancing-

lilyflower: I am not cheating on James.

evanslover: Can you meet me at the lake at six?

lilyflower: Sure.

_lilyflower has logged off._

parishilton2: ROMANCE!! IT BUUUUURRNNNSS!!

m00nyr0x: Nice, Padfoot, nice.

_m00nyr0x has logged off._

parishilton2: Hello? Moony?

parishilton2: ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?

parishilton2: I guess not.

evanslover: I'LL COME TO YOUR FUNERAL!! Ha ha ha.

parishilton2: I won't! I probably won't be invited anyway. AND I STILL LOOK LIKE PARIS HILTON!!

_evanslover has logged off._

_parishilton2 has logged off._

**Whoa. This is thirteen pages long. Wooooooow. Anyway, I'm proud 'cause most of the stuff I said in the real life conversation was transferred to Moony! Though a little did go to James, and the end to Sirius. WOOHOO! -Yolapeoples**


	13. Sirius Talks To Himself

**Disclaimer: You could call it spur of the moment, or you could call it just plain randomness. Unfortunately, I wrote this whole thing to a friend of mine who was SUPPOSEDLY online. And worse than that, I just admitted that this is all me right here. Woooow. Anywho… It's short, I know, but more IS coming and the last one was REALLY long so you can't yell at me or anything. Also, it feels weird to put stuff like "THE NEXT MORNING..." or whatever, so you'll just have to wait 'til the next chappie! Peace out and please review! :D**

**Sirius Talks To Himself**

_m00nyr0x is on Marauders' Chat_

_BabyGotBlack has -poof-ed onto Marauders' Chat, ha ha ha_

_Time Indicator has been activated on Marauders' Chat_

BabyGotBlack (9:53 PM): MOONY!

BabyGotBlack (9:53 PM): MOOOOOOOONNNYY!!

BabyGotBlack (9:53 PM): Long time, no see since class! Where were you this afternoon?

BabyGotBlack (9:54 PM): Moony?

BabyGotBlack (9:54 PM): ...are you still alive?

BabyGotBlack (10:14 PM): I suppose not.

BabyGotBlack (10:14 PM): I guess I missed the funeral.

BabyGotBlack (10:14 PM): I never got an invitation though so you can't blame me.

BabyGotBlack (10:14 PM): Have a good afterlife.

BabyGotBlack (10:26 PM): Just don't haunt me, 'kay?

BabyGotBlack (10:26 PM): 'Cause that would be weird and I don't want to have to learn how to banish you to underworld or anything.

BabyGotBlack (10:27 PM): And then you'd hate me for doing so and probably get on my case as soon as I died.

BabyGotBlack (10:28 PM): And that wouldn't be a good thing that I have scores to settle when I'm dead... because I _would_ be _dead_.

BabyGotBlack (10:28 PM): But I guess that would kind of suck, since I _would_ be dead.

BabyGotBlack (10:28 PM): And then what would the world do without my beauty?!

BabyGotBlack (10:29 PM): You know what would happen? The suicide rate of the female population of the world would go up.

BabyGotBlack (10:29 PM): All thanks to you, mate, for not inviting me to your funeral and then haunting me for it.

BabyGotBlack (10:30 PM): I can't believe you would do such a thing to such a good friend like me.

BabyGotBlack (10:30 PM): And, Moony, don't take the reindeer thing the wrong way. Anyway, I think you got enough revenge with the Paris Hilton thing, right?

BabyGotBlack (10:30 PM): Which FINALLY wore off! THERE IS A GOD AFTER ALL!

BabyGotBlack (10:31 PM): Speaking of which, Moony, you might not want to haunt me and stuff because that might not look to good if you ever get to heaven.

BabyGotBlack (10:31 PM): I mean, you don't want to go to hell, do you?!

BabyGotBlack (10:32 PM): If you do, then you've got some problems, mate. May I suggest Dr. Phil or Oprah?

BabyGotBlack (10:40 PM): Okay… So I admit that Dr. Phil is creepy, but I was just suggesting it.

BabyGotBlack (10:40 PM): Did you end up studying for the DADA exam tomorrow?

BabyGotBlack (10:42 PM): That was a stupid question since DADA is your best subject... and you study for everything. But you're dead, so you won't even be TAKING the exam... since you're dead.

BabyGotBlack (10:42 PM): Unless they've got exams in the afterlife... which would suck. What would happen if you failed those anyway?

BabyGotBlack (10:43 PM): I guess they can't exactly kill you, since you're already dead, but what do they do to you?? Do they torture you or something? Of course, the exam would be torture enough to begin with...

BabyGotBlack (10:47 PM): Okay, well, have a nice afterlife.

_BabyGotBlack has logged off._


	14. THE SEARCH FOR ZAC EFFRON, PART ONE

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Marauders or anything Harry Potter. They belong to J.K. Rowling. I also do not own Zac Effron or the Buddha. And even though I wish I really did have a flaming chainsaw (which is a combination of a chainsaw and a flamethrower, by the way), I sadly do not.**

**OKAY! So, these three next chapters are going to see exceedingly random, but trust me, it'll all make sense… eventually. They are all connected and you'll just have to read them all!**

**For these chappies, my new OCs(!):**

**-Yolapeoples, aka Maddy Nox (which in reality is me though that's not my real name), is an evil genius, fifth year Gryffindor prefect who is out to get the Marauders (well, not **_**really**_**). **

**- Cara Groglio, aka trackaddict92 (who is one of my bestest buds), is a fangirl of Zac Effron, fifth year Ravenclaw who really likes **_**Avada Kedavra**_**, but can't do it for her life.**

**- Benny Jets, fifth year Hufflepuff prefect who is Cara and Maddy's equivalent of Snivellous. He's also based on someone in the real world who is now stalking me to find out why Cara and I have suddenly decided to call him Benny. If he's reading this: STOP STALKING ME!! YOU ARE WEIRD!!**

**Other Announcement: THIS IS THE PRODUCT OF STAYING UP 'TIL TWO THIRTY IN THE MORNING ON THE LAST NIGHT OF SUMMER! IT'S RANDOM! PLEASE REVIEW! … ENJOY!**

**THE SEARCH FOR ZAC EFFRON**

_yolapeoples is invisible on Marauders' Chat_

_trackaddict92 has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

yolapeoples: I'm alive!

yolapeoples: I mean: YO DANNY PHANTOM HE WAS JUST 14!

trackaddict92: y wouldnt u be alive?? and y r u invisible??

yolapeoples: Buddha

trackaddict92: buddha?

yolapeoples: Yes, buddha. Oh, I'm invisible because I, being the Marauders' freak-fan that I am, have stolen James' Invisibility Cloak. Mua ha ha.

trackaddict92: but what did buddha ever do to u??

yolapeoples: Four words: Muggle Studies History Homework

trackaddict92: im proud to say i finished my hw :D woohoo

yolapeoples: Same here.

trackaddict92: the map was a bitch tho

yolapeoples: Okkaaayyy?

trackaddict92: i hate maps

yolapeoples: I like maps. They don't eat people.

trackaddict92: took waaay to long. The questions were okay though.

yolapeoples: You are a freak if you enjoyed comparing Mahayana Buddhism to Roman Catholicism. It was the stupidest question in the WOOOORRLLLDD!! And I can not believe they have butchered Ancient Greece and Rome. How I hate them all!! Then again, you ARE a Ravenclaw. -laugh-

trackaddict92: and its getting collected fri. not thurs

yolapeoples: i know

trackaddict92: or at least thats what the packet said. im not looking forward to the map quiz tho...i hate maps almost as much as i hate fat men in spandex rockin the muffin tops, but thats just me

yolapeoples: I'm going to fail that quiz. By I shall fail it... in STYLE!! Fat men.. ew.

trackaddict92: WITH style maddy...WITH

yolapeoples: why not in?? What's the diff anywho??

trackaddict92: -chuckles to self- choose ur words carefully. lol

yolapeoples: I'm going to hide under my awesome new invisibility cloak now. No one can see me now!!

yolapeoples: By the way: I AM THE BOX GHOST!! ... BEWARE! MASTER OF ALL THINGS CARDBOARD AND SQUAAAARREE!!

trackaddict92: I AM THE CONDOM GHOST!! master of all things penis related...mua hahaha

yolapeoples: woooow

trackaddict92: indeed.

yolapeoples: OMG! I JUST REALIZED! INVISIBLE **AND** I HAVE A FLAMING CHAINSAW! … The world is a happy place! :-)

trackaddict92: so if i c a flaming FLOATING chainsaw...i give my regards to u?

yolapeoples: Yup! ;D

trackaddict92: hehe

yolapeoples: But if you do see it, I suggest you warn everyone around you to run. And do look both ways before crossing the street; the buses be after you!

trackaddict92: y r the buses after me?? a lot of things r out to get me.

yolapeoples: The buses are after you because I spared you from death by flaming (and now floating) chainsaw… It was that or... -whispers- the postal system -dun dun DUUUUN-

yolapeoples: By the way, I escaped the Ancient and Most Noble Family of Black Family Tree, if that wasn't already obvious.

trackaddict92: okk??

yolapeoples: It's called blackmail info. And I was trying (so stupidly) to figure out how Sirius' family even ATTEMPTS at working!

yolapeoples: I AM INSANE AND RANDOM! **AND** I HAVE AN INVISIBILITY CLOAK AND FLAMING CHAINSAW!!

trackaddict92: but y did u want to kill me in the first place??

yolapeoples: Hmm? Ohh! I forget. Everyone was in questioning for my hitlist. Lily Evans was slated for death by heart-ache after I kill all her lovers since she busted me last week for cursing the suits of armor to run after all prefects and Heads. All except me of course, which in retrospect was pretty stupid.

yolapeoples: McGonagall was slated for death by falling piano being played by a duck after assigning us that HUGE chapter in our textbooks. I understand O.W.L. year is hard but COME ON!

trackaddict92: and y was i on ur hit list??

yolapeoples: You weren't. You were instead slated for death by bus.

trackaddict92: but YYYY??

yolapeoples: I DON'T KNOOOOW!!

trackaddict92 (11:17 PM): death by bus, mads? cum on thats lame...seriously. u need to work on ur extermination methods

yolapeoples: ;) Yes, yes I do. You gotta give me cred for Minnie's though.

trackaddict92: it would have been funnier if it was death by a piano playing marmoset

yolapeoples: Marmoset... hmm... interesting.

trackaddict92: btw i charmed zac effron all over my books...

yolapeoples: O...kay?? … WHY ZAC EFFRON?! He's that weird Muggle actor/singer dude, right?

trackaddict92: cause he's awesome and gorgeous...basically the same reason as julia and brad pitt...also to mock the pants off of Sirius Black who is obsessed with having every girl in Hogwarts adore him. Well, minus you of course since you're out to get him.

yolapeoples: I'm out to get everyone. And I just got more blackmail. GO WIKIPEDIA!

trackaddict92: how?

yolapeoples: Zack Effron... woooow. Oh, it's just some random research. -whips off invisibility cloak long enough to smirk mischeiviously-

trackaddict92: ZAC

yolapeoples: SORRY!

trackaddict92: U SHOULD B!! -whispers to a pic of zac thats incredibly cute- she didnt mean it zac

yolapeoples: -shouts at picture- ZAC IS UGLY!!

trackaddict92: u... r...A SINNER!!

yolapeoples: NO! I AM DA POPE! YOU ARE JESUS; I BE DA POPE!

trackaddict92: yea well im a drunk version of jesus...so i have more of a say...SINNER! REPENT! REPENT!!

trackaddict92: of course no one compares to my orlando bloom...but thats besides the point

yolapeoples: ZAC IS STUUUUUPIIIID!! MUA HA HA HA!! … By the way, I ran away to the bombshelter. Not that you saw me do so as I am invisible!

trackaddict92: i am jesus...i c almost as much as god...beware

yolapeoples: BUT JAMES' INVISIBILITY CLOAK IS INVINCIBLE!! Did you **not** read Deathly Hallows?!

trackaddict92: i just realized that when i said scare the pants off of Black that came out wrong...hehehe...DAMMIT

yolapeoples: Dammit is right.

trackaddict92: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

yolapeoples: ?

trackaddict92: bangs head repeatedly

yolapeoples: Do I WANT to know?! Last time I said that, there was much hassle with toothpaste. … TELL ME!

trackaddict92: i do not want to SEE Black with no pants!! MENTAL IMAGES!! IT BURNS!! WAAAAHHH!!

yolapeoples: There are probably plenty who do.

trackaddict92: niiice

trackaddict92: this is random but what would u do if i ended up liking Aiden? You know, the fifth year Gryffindor?

yolapeoples: I would run you over with a bus and then ask "WHAT?!" … Actually, I would be curious and ask you to explain.

trackaddict92: im not saying i DO like him.

yolapeoples: okay...

trackaddict92: It's confusing, but…

yolapeoples: but...

_evanslover has Apparated into Maddy's Bombshelter on Marauders' Chat_

yolapeoples: -has come barreling out of the bombshelter wearing the invisibility cloak as James Potter is in the bombshelter and wants his cloak back-

evanslover: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ON HERE?! AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY CLOAK?!

yolapeoples: but... TELL MESA! Before James hexes me into the fifth dimension!

trackaddict92: I don't know!! This is SCARY!

yolapeoples: so confuzzling...

evanslover: _Petrificus Totalus!_

yolapeoples: -jumps out of the way and lands on hands and feet- Well, you know, you're not gonna fall for someone if being with them scares you.

trackaddict92: thats not what i meant by scary

yolapeoples: I know. What's scary is that I'm being all Dr. Phil to you whilst being attacked by a 7th year with a grudge. -pulls out flaming chainsaw-

evanslover: OH MY LORD!

_evanslover has run away._

yolapeoples: Now that that's done...

trackaddict92: haha

yolapeoples: What? The bugger's trying to hex me into the fifth dimension!!

trackaddict92: hehe

_evanslover is back on Marauders' Chat_

_NOTgaryoldman has come as reinforcements on Marauders' Chat_

yolapeoples: DAMMIT! JAMES IS BACK AND HE'S BROUGHT SIRIUS!

NOTgaryoldman: Who ARE you?! And how did you get ON here?!

yolapeoples: I'm in your HOUSE! I'm a fifth year!

evanslover: She stole my Invisibility Cloak!

NOTgaryoldman: What?! Wait. I know you. You're the one who comes up with all the stuff on us that you claim is from some Wikipedia thing.

evanslover: GET HER!!

yolapeoples: -runs and dodges- GAAAHHHH!! … But do you really like this guy?

trackaddict92: not really. i mean i do a little. i honestly dnt know how i feel about greg...theres something there i guess...

Caitlin (11:49 PM): I say Chillax and enjoy being single.

NOTgaryoldman: _Densaugeo!_

evanslover: _EXPELLIARMUS!_

yolapeoples: -dodges both spells with difficulty- AND NOT BEING CHASED BY RANDOM HP CHARACTERS FROM THE 70S!

trackaddict92: its not really bothering me. its just that i dnt want to hurt anybody with my actions

yolapeoples: Then do nothing. Do you have any flippin' idea where my wand is? -runs into classroom and slams door shut- These guys are after me and they won't stop. Grr... -rummages through stuff-

NOTgaryoldman: _FURNUNCULUS!_

trackaddict92: shall i go avada cadavra on their asses??

yolapeoples: That would be effective but I'm not sure about useful. … FOUND IT! -grabs wand-

trackaddict92: useful?

yolapeoples: We'll have dead bodies and the HP series will be messed up. We'll have fangirls after us!!

evanslover: _BOMBARTA!_

yolapeoples: -Sirius and James knock down my door- DAMMIT!! _STUPEFY! _-spell hits James and Sirius and I run by them- Need to work on your _Protego_, boys. -hides underneath cloak in dark corner-

trackaddict92: i said id go avada cadavra of their asses...tho most that would happen is that they couldnt take a crap or sit down for a week. lol … or u could do that

yolapeoples: Go ahead! U can take the fangirl attacks though!

trackaddict92: i think i can take em ;)

evanslover: GRRR!! -charges at annoying 5th year-

yolapeoples: Maddy! My name is MADDY!

NOTgaryoldman: WHATEVER!

yolapeoples: -jumps out of way, letting Cara through-

trackaddict: Hello boys!

yolapeoples: He he he. GO AHEAD! LET 'EM HAVE IT!

trackaddict92: hehehe -glares evily at james and sirius-

evanslover: O.O

NOTgaryoldman: O.O

evanslover: Wait! We're manly men. We're not scared of a wittle 5th year!

NOTgaryoldman: YEAH! GO PRONGS!

trackaddict92: _AVADA KEDAVRA!_

_evanslover and NOTgaryoldman are now dead_

yolapeoples: Me: AWESOME! -pulls off cloak and high fives Cara-

trackaddict92: sweet

yolapeoples: Now what? -indicates dead bodies-

trackaddict92: hide...

yolapeoples: Get under the cloak!

trackaddict92: -gets under cloak-

_m00nyr0x has come barreling onto Marauders' Chat_

_mouseboy27 wonders what's going on on Marauders' Chat_

trackaddict92: hehehe

mouseboy27: What was that?

yolapeoples: -cough-nothing-cough-

m00nyr0x: Oh Merlin. -inspects James and Sirius' corpses- Now what?

mouseboy27: Grr... Now what am I supposed to tell Voldy?!

m00nyr0x: ?!

mouseboy27: Did I say that outloud?

yolapeoples: -steps out from below cape- Yes, you did. _Avada Kedavra_.

_mouseboy27 is now dead_

yolapeoples: You have no idea how much I've always wanted to do that.

trackaddict92: heey thats my spell...grr

m00nyr0x: -draws wand- Who's there?

yolapeoples: Oh. That's just Cara. We stole James' invisibility cloak. smirk

trackaddict92: -steps out of Invisibility Cloak- hey how u all doing...heh...heh?

m00nyr0x: O.O

yolapeoples: Yes, well, we best be off now.

m00nyr0x: ...

yolapeoples: Before the fangirls attack.

m00nyr0x: Fangirls?

_Sound of stampeding footsteps approach Marauders' Chat_

trackaddict92: when fan girls attack...great movie

yolapeoples: Gotta go!

trackaddict: dammnabbit. RUNN!!

m00nyr0x, yolapeoples and trackaddict: -run for their lives-

_siriusblacksgirl152, potterismine304 and remusmaniac96 have run onto Marauders' Chat_

siriusblacksgirl152: My Marauders' sense is tingling.

potterismine304: -discovers dead bodies of James and Sirius… and Peter- EEEK!!

remusmaniac96: OMG! Who could've done this??

siriusblacksgirl152, potterismine304 and remusmaniac96: -mourn the Marauders-

trackaddict92: i wonder if we will lose em while they look dumbfounded at the dead bodies...

yolapeoples: Yes, but where will we hide?

trackaddict92 (12:09 AM): the batcave??

yolapeoples: Too far. And James found the bombshelter

trackaddict92: wait...y am i running? im the freaking condom ghost!

yolapeoples: True, true

m00nyr0x: ?! I'm still here, you know.

yolapeoples: So?

m00nyr0x: ...

trackaddict92: -throws condoms at the fangirls- HP WHORES!! mua hahahaah

siriusblacksgirl152, potterismine304 and remusmaniac96: EEEEEKK!!

trackaddict92: mua haha

m00nyr0x: That was disturbing.

yolapeoples: Yeah, I know.

trackaddict92: but affective ;D

yolapeoples: ... I can't argue against that. But we've still got to hide! As soon as they're out of their freaking-out mode, they'll be after us for killing 3/4 of the Marauders. That was supposed to be J.k. Rowling's job!

m00nyr0x: ...?!

trackaddict92: well...i could take my condoms back and lock them in a room along with Jets so they can all get std's together?? -grins evily- i do love my job … if not, theres always hiding in Pakistan

yolapeoples: Jets? As in BENNY Jets?! Oh my god. -barfs-

trackaddict92: exactly...m ua hahaHA

m00nyr0x: I have no idea who you people are but I vote Pakistan.

yolapeoples: Honestly, Remus, I'm a prefect. I go to all the meetings. I was the one who sent the suit of armor from the Charms corridor after you while you were on patrol last Tuesday. But will you just leave?? I mean, I'm not going to kill anymore of my favorite characters and get the REMUS fangirls after us too!!

m00nyr0x: ?!

yolapeoples: Exactly. Now, you're holding up the plot. Be gone! Oh and don't die.

m00nyr0x: I'll keep that in mind.

_m00nyr0x has run away._

yolapeoples: Now... fangirls, fangirls...

trackaddict92: u kno he could have turned into the wolf and ate them all...and wed be safe right??

_m00nyr0x has randomly popped up on Marauders' Chat_

m00nyr0x: Full moon only, dude- WAIT! HOW DO YOU NOW ABOUT THAT?!

_m00nyr0x has run away again._

trackaddict92: damn… wait! ive got it!!

yolapeoples: What have you got?!

trackaddict92: DANCE OFF!!

yolapeoples: Explain.

trackaddict92: -grins evily-

yolapeoples: I'm scared. Your evil plans are usually much worse than mine.

trackaddict92: uve seen my provocative dancing mads...i can scar them for liiiife and thus… we'll b left alone. hehehe

yolapeoples: Or they'll want to kill you more.

_m00nyr0x has randomly popped up again on Marauders' Chat._

m00nyr0x: Or you'll have half of Hogwarts after you too.

_m00nyr0x has vanished again._

trackaddict92: or i can rape and pillage them all into a coma?

trackaddict92: or i can get 'em all drunk and sing showtunes?

trackaddict92: or i can get the batmobile to run 'em all over?

trackaddict92: or i can poison their water supply?

yolapeoples: Water supply?!

trackaddict92:or i can throw rocks at them

yolapeoples: I like rocks. But there aren't enough rocks in the world to get all the fangirls. The ones that showed up on here are just the leaders. They are three of many.

trackaddict92: or i can send my army of howlers and bludgers after them?

trackaddict92: or i can dazzle them with my awesomeness?

yolapeoples: OUR awesomeness

trackaddict92: tru tru. or i can flash them all and make them run away?

trackaddict92: or i can run them over with another car?

trackaddict92: im running out of ideas!! any of 'em good?

yolapeoples: I have no idea.

yolapeoples: All I know is that I don't want the police after us again like the Facebook episode.

trackaddict92: hehe. or we can just get rid of 'em

yolapeoples: But hoooow??

trackaddict92: i mean we r writing the story...we can make them not exist

yolapeoples: True.

trackaddict92: we can make 'em just vanish if we want

yolapeoples: Or we could make it worse.

trackaddict92: how?

yolapeoples: By doing this: _ACCIO!_

_headofgryffindor has been dragged forcefully onto Marauders' Chat_

headofgryffindor: What is all this ruckus about?

siriusblacksgirl152: They -point at Cara and Maddy- killed James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew!!

trackaddict92: ok, then prove we did

potterismine304: -evil glare-

yolapeoples: Whoa. If looks could kill...

trackaddict92: -evil glares right back at 'em then grins a doofy smile- well?

potterismine304: -cry- Professor, the American Ravenclaw girl's being mean to uuuussss.

yolapeoples: Well, fish and chips and all that. I'm a Gryffindor.

remusmaniac96: ...?

yolapeoples: WHAT?!

trackaddict92: and ahem. im italian!

potterismine304: WHATEVER!

_m00nyr0x has come onto Marauders' Chat and brings reinforcements_

_lilyflower has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

yolapeoples: And now, I'm scared.

lilyflower: -sees James, Sirius and Peter's dead bodies- WHAT THE-

trackaddict92: u DO kno they r not really dead right? … well, peter is...but idt anyone misses him

siriusblacksgirl152, potterismine304, remusmaniac96, yolapeoples, trackaddict92, lilyflower, headofgryffindor and m00nyr0x: Nope.

yolapeoples: I rock.

trackaddict02: I roll.

_evanslover and NOTgaryoldman open one eye each_

evanslover: We're not dead?!

trackaddict92: no, but u wont b able to go to the bathroom or sit for a week

lilyflower, m00nyr0x and yolapeoples: -snicker-

NOTgaryoldman: Ow.

_madamPOPPYpomphrey has randomly shown up on Marauders' Chat_

madamPOPPYpomphrey: -fixes up Potter and Black- You two…

trackaddict92: -snickers quietly at the sound of her name-

yolapeoples: ?

trackaddict92: it sounds funny!

yolapeoples: Okaaaay...

siriusblacksgirl152, potterismine304 and remusmaniac96: -squeal and fawn over James and Sirius, who are back alive (not that they ever died to begin with) as well as Remus who's just standing there-

yolapeoples: And that is pathetic.

trackaddict92: eh. i cant make fun

yolapeoples: Why ever not?

_zaceffron has logged onto Marauders' Chat_

zaceffron: Don't tell me you're cheating on me with Potter, Black and Lupin!!

yolapeoples: -snickers-

trackaddict92: no no. i mean i cant make fun because im a zac fangirl

yolapeoples: Ah.. T'is true.

zaceffron: ...

evanslover: ...

NOTgaryoldman: …

trackaddict92: what? at least hes a real live person :P no offense u guys r cool. but zac is FIIINE! lol

evanslover and zaceffron: ...okaaayyy...

NOTgaryoldman: How dare anyone not worship me?!

siriusblacksgirl152: SINNER!!

_siriusblacksgirl152, potterismine304 and remusmaniac96 grab pitchforks and torches_

m00nyr0x: Uh... where'd they get those?

trackaddict92: what? u want me to worship the one who isn't able to go to the bathroom?

evanslover: She makes a good point.

NOTgaryoldman: BUT WHO'S FAULT WAS THAT?!

trackaddict92: urs

NOTgaryoldman: ?!

trackaddict92: u bothered maddy, my friend. i defended her. So :P.

NOTgaryoldman: …

yolapeoples: Well, technically I stole the cloak first. Then James came after me and then Sirius decided to back him up.

evanslover: ...

trackaddict92: but u were gonna give it back

evanslover, NOTgaryoldman, m00nyr0x: Were you?

yolapeoples: ...

trackaddict92: MADDY NOX!

yolapeoples: Yes, dearest Cara?

trackaddict92: -glare-

yolapeoples: -innocent questioning look-

m00nyr0x: -rolls eyes- Where have I seen this before? -pointed look at Sirius-

NOTgaryoldman: What?

siriusblacksgirl152, potterismine304 and remusmaniac96: -pause in torch-and-pitchfork rage to fawn over James, Sirius and Remus some more-

lilyflower: ARGH! -pulls James away into nearby broom closet and snogs him senseless-

evanslover: Wow.

zaceffron: I feel left out. -summons on posse of fangirls-

yolapeoples: ?

trackaddict92: ?

yolapeoples: Why be-est you glaring at mesa?

trackaddict92: answer their question. were u gonna give it back?

NOTgaryoldman: Yeah!

m00nyr0x: YEAH! Prongs would agree with us here, but he's… kind of busy.

yolapeoples: Why of course I was going to give it back!

trackaddict92: -sceptical look-

yolapeoples: -grins- Think of the possibilities!! But I was going to give it back... eventually.

evanslover: -has recovered from snogging and glares-

lilyflower: -fixes hair and shirt-

yolapeoples: What? I did say I was going to give it back!

trackaddict92: she HAS a point u kno

evanslover: ?!

NOTgaryoldman: I don't like you, who ever you are.

trackaddict92: well u asked if she was gonna give it back. u didnt ask when

yolapeoples: BOOYAH!

evanslover: DAMN!

trackaddict92: so...if we give back the cloak...can we ask one favor?

evanslover: -crosses arms- That depends on what the favor is.

yolapeoples: -hugs cloak and says goodbyes-

trackaddict92: can we borrow it until thursday night?

NOTgaryoldman: Why Thursday?

trackaddict92: cus that's the day Benny Jets is on patrol and we could use it for some major Jets-bashing. u remember Jets right?

evanslover and NOTgaryoldman: Jets?

yolapeoples: Cara, I believe that Fred and George were the ones that met Jets.

trackaddict92: yea but im sure F and G told them about him

yolapeoples: Me: True, but you see, technically Fred and George don't exist yet. … Well, they might...

trackaddict92: but we can make that happen. we r the ones writing this remember?

yolapeoples: true

trackaddict92: o i do luv defying the laws of physics!

yolapeoples: Same here.

NOTgaryoldman and evanslover: ?!

yolapeoples: Just watch and learn boys!

_forgeweasley and POPEgeorgew have logged onto Marauders' Chat_

forgeweasley: Whoa. Why do I feel like we're in the 70s?

yolapeoples: Because you are!

POPEgeorgew: Oh! Hey Maddy!

trackaddict92: whoa...since when r we in the 70's?

yolapeoples: Since a while back...

forgeweasley: Yo Cara!

trackaddict92: ello fred

yolapeoples: Marauders as teens 70s.

trackaddict92: i kno but they came to OUR time, we didnt go into theirs

yolapeoples: Did they? I forget.

trackaddict92: they came looking for us cus u took the cloak

yolapeoples: RIIIGHT!

trackaddict92: we didnt look for them

yolapeoples: Damn. You guys are all supposed to be dead!

trackaddict92: :(

forgeweasley, evanslover, NOTgaryoldman, m00nyr0x and lilyflower: -look at Maddy wide-eyed-

yolapeoples: Yes well... You know, it's weird. Teddy's supposed to start at Hogwarts next year aka 2009. Time is a strange thing indeed. -strokes imaginary beard thoughtfully-

m00nyr0x: Who's -

yolapeoples: You'll find out.

forgeweasley: ANYWAY! Why did you bring us here?

trackaddict92: why did we bring them here?

yolapeoples: Hmm... I believe it had to do with Benny Jets.

trackaddict92: o yeaaa...fred, george, can u tell them about a certain Jets?

forgeweasley: You mean the guy we kill... I mean, _met_... in jolly ol' england?

trackaddict92: yupp

POPEgeorgew: The one with Chicken Max right?

trackaddict92: yupp

yolapeoples: Freakishly tall and whatnot.

forgeweasley: Ah. Well, you see, Jets is this particularly strange boy who enjoys running to the point of obsession and annoys Maddy and Cara a lot. So whilst one of their adventures, we happened to be chasing a chicken by the name of Max and we met said Jets.

POPEgeorgew: This is one hell of a guy to prank.

evanslover, NOTgaryoldman and m00nyr0x: -huddle up and whisper things to each other in hushed tones-

yolapeoples: You think they're going to let us have the cloak?

trackaddict92: maaaaybe. idk

yolapeoples: Well, they're sure taking their time reaching a decision...

lilyflower: What happened to all the fangirls and Zac Effron?

yolapeoples: Good question.

trackaddict92: i didnt even realise they left

yolapeoples: Me neither. Where could they have gone?

trackaddict92: idk… hey! wheres the cloak?!

yolapeoples, lilyflower, forgeweasley, POPEgeorgew, evanslover, NOTgaryoldman and m00nyr0x: OMG!

yolapeoples: Whadduya mean where's the cloak??

evanslover: You had it last, Cara, right?

trackaddict92: nope. i never took it. caitlin? have u seen it?

yolapeoples: Last time I saw it was when I stepped out to kill Peter.

evanslover: NOOO! My dad gave me that cloak!!

trackaddict92: u said b4 u were hugging it and saying ur goodbyes...that was after that

yolapeoples: Oh riiight…. But then...

trackaddict92: -stares questioningly- then?

yolapeoples: I gave it to Sirius.

NOTgaryoldman: …

trackaddict92: sirius??

yolapeoples: -sarcastic- No, Regulus. OF COURSE, Sirius!

trackaddict92: no i mean im asking sirius where it is!

yolapeoples: Oh.

NOTgaryoldman: Uh...

evanslover: -glares pointedly at Sirius-

NOTgaryoldman: -blurts- I GAVE IT TO REMUS!

m00nyr0x: ?! You did not! You gave it to the Zac Effron guy.

trackaddict92: ?!

evanslover: You gave... my... INVISIBILITY CLOAK... to... ZAC... EFFRON?!

forgeweasley: I believe James is having a mid-life crisis.

NOTgaryoldman: Well, he asked for it, see.

trackaddict92: -faints-

yolapeoples: CARA!

yolapeoples: _Reneverate_. (or whatever it is)

m00nr0x: Idiot. It's _Enneverate._

yolapeoples: Okay. CARA! ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?!

trackaddict92: -wakes up-...hola!

yolapeoples: HUZZAH!

NOTgaryoldman: Why'd you faint?

trackaddict92: me llamo cara! como estas?

yolapeoples: Me llamo Maddy!

NOTgaryoldman: Me no speaky Spanish!! Not since Prongs made me give Lily her dictionary back!! WHY DID YOU FAINT?!

trackaddict92: no se

NOTgaryoldman: What the??

yolapeoples: ... Crees que Zac Effron take-o el cloak-o de James?

m00nyr0x: That could _not_ have been Spanish.

yolapeoples: Be quiet you!

forgeweasley and POPEgeorgew: ...

trackaddict92: POR QUE?!

yolapeoples: ??

trackaddict92: -waves fist in air, grabs a quill and parchment and writes:- why can i only speak spanish??

yolapeoples: I DON'T KNOW!!

evanslover: -currently curled in a fetal position in the corner due to loss of cloak-

lilyflower: -trying to coax him out of it-

POPEgeorgew: Why's she only talking in Spanish?!

m00nyr0x: I don't know!!

NOTgaryoldman: ... Remus doesn't know something. THE APOCALYPSE IS NEAR!!

_Evil laugh from darkness of Marauders' Chat_

…**to be continued…**

**So it's so long I had to make it into two chapters. Press that little button on the bottom left, you know; next to the thing that says "REVIEW" and says "GO". Yeah, do that and write some random stuff in the box that appears. Then press submit and you're a couple steps closer to the next chapter! ALL REVIEWERS ROCK MY WORLD!**


	15. THE SEARCH FOR ZAC EFFRON, PART TWO

****

Disclaimer: And so the randomness that I call "THE SEARCH FOR ZAC EFFRON" continues. I DO NOT OWN IT!! All belonging to J.K. Rowling or other stuffs who inspire me or I use quotes from!!

**To All Reviewers: YOU GUYS SO TOTALLY ROCK!! I would reply to you all on here like my BTTF fics, but I thought, "Eh, they'd probably prefer to see the rest of the story." SO ONWARD!!**

**One Last Note: BEWARE THE RANDOMNESS!! And for people who don't know what the Bo Tree is, may I suggest brushing up on your Buddhism knowledge? And all Order members: Brush up on your poker!!**

**THE SEARCH FOR ZAC EFFRON, PART TWO**

NOTgaryoldman: What the??

_mysteriousvoice has appeared on Marauders' Chat_

mysteriousvoice: Mua ha ha.

trackaddict92: que??

mysteriousvoice: It is me!

_mysteriousvoice has switched places with DarkLordVdawg_

DarkLordVdawg: VOLDEMORT!

_lightning flashes_

_thunder booms_

_girl screams in distance_

trackaddict92: ah, sí. él que nadie llama.

NOTgaryoldman: AHHHH!

m00nyr0x: AAAHHH!

lilyflower: AAAHH!!

forgeweasley: AAAAHH!

POPEgeorgew: AAAHHH!

evanslover: AAAHHH!!

trackaddict92: -points at voldy- estupido.

DarkLordVdawg: What did you say?

yolapeoples: ...

DarkLordVdawg: No seriously. What did she say?

yolapeoples: She called you stupid… She was right.

NOTgaryoldman, m00nyr0x, evanslover, lilyflower, forgeweasley, POPEgeorgew and DarkLordVdawg: -gasp-

trackaddict92: -looks at maddy- el no es inteligente

yolapeoples: Yo se, yo se.

DarkLordVdawg: Stop speaking in Spanish!!

trackaddict92: -starts to cry-

forgeweasley: ??

trackaddict92: -writes on paper- i would stop IF I COULD, SMARTY PANTS! thank 4 rubbing it in y dnt ya?!

yolapeoples: he he he

m00nyr0x: -looks up from big books and heavy duty calculator- By Jove I've got it!

trackaddict92: -looks at remus-

m00nyr0x: -looks at Cara-

_m00nyr0x has taken a dramatic pause_

m00nyr0x: -inhales-

NOTgaryoldman: SPIT IT OUT ALREADY!

m00nyr0x: It was -points at Voldy- VOLDEMORT-

_lightning flashes_

_thunder booms_

_girl screams in distance_

m00nyr0x: -who made Cara talk this way!!

yolapeoples, evanslover, NOTgaryoldman, lilyflower, forgeweasley, POPEgeorgew: -GASP!-

trackaddict92: como?! -glares at voldy- yo te odio!

DarkLordVdawg: ?!

evanslover: But wait! Who took my cloak?

yolapeoples, trackaddict92, evanslover, NOTgaryoldman, POPEgeorgew, lilyflower: -look at Remus expectantly-

m00nyr0x: That was...

_m00nyr0x has taken a dramatic pause_

NOTgaryoldman: -kicks Remus' chair-

m00nyr0x: ZAC EFFRON!

yolapeoples: DUN DUN DUUUUUN!

trackaddict92: -faints-

NOTgaryoldman: Not again.

yolapeoples: _Enneverate_. ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?!

DarkLordVdawg: _ANTI-SPANISH-O!_

yolapeoples: -sarcastic- Ah-mazing.

trackaddict92: sey

m00nyr0x: Oh no...

trackaddict92: parc!

evanslover: Dammit all, Voldemort!

_lightning flashes_

_thunder booms_

_girl screams in distance_

forgeweasley and POPEgeorgew: -try not to laugh-

yolapeoples: Who did it this time??

trackaddict92: -looks to remus for answer- ohw?

m00nyr0x: What am I? A human dictionary?

yolapeoples: Yes, yes you are.

NOTgaryoldman: NOW TELL US!

trackaddict92: !!sey

m00nyr0x: -ponders- The only answer could be...

_mysteriousvoice2 has arrived on Marauders' Chat_

mysteriousvoice2: So you've figured me out.

m00nyr0x: Um. Well, no. Not yet.

NOTgaryoldman: Maybe Mr. Mysterious Voice is also Mr. Impatient Voice or perhaps Mr. Freaks-Out-When-We-Even-Get-Close-To-Figuring-Out-Who-He-Is Voice. Or maybe-

_mysteriousvoice2 has switched places with sectumsempra_

NOTgaryoldman: SNIVELLOUS!

m00nyr0x: ... I thought so.

trackaddict92: epans!

yolapeoples: I knew you were going to say that.

trackaddict92: pu tuhs! ):P

sectumsempra: Yes, it was me.

yolapeoples: Change her back!!

trackaddict92: ti od did yhw?

sectumsempra: Because...

_sectumsempra has taken a dramatic pause_

NOTgaryoldman: argh…

sentumsempra: I want Zac Effron's signature!

yolapeoples, evanslover, NOTgaryoldman, m00nyr0x, lilyflower, forgeweasley and POPEgeorgew: -jaws drop-

trackaddict92: ??

yolapeoples: _You_ are a _Zac Effron_ fan?!

trackaddict92: ftw?!

NOTgaryoldman: Couldn't have put it better, Cara.

sectumsempra: I'll let you go if you get me his signature.

yolapeoples: But he disappeared!!

evanslover: With my cloak!!

NOTgaryoldman: And our fangirls!!

trackaddict92: lous ym dna -sigh-

lilyflower: lol

sectumsempra: I don't care where he is or what he took. I WANT A SIGNATURE!!

lilyflower: Severu-

sectumsempra: Effron or bust.

lilyflower: -claps hands together- It seems we have to find Zac Effron!

trackaddict92: ssa

sectumsempra: HEY!

trackaddict92: .caz dnif pleh dna em egnahc u fi erutangis a u teg lli .ghu

sectumsempra: Hmm... Fine. _SPEACH-O-RIGHTEO!_

yolapeoples: -sarcastic- Again. Ah-mazing.

trackaddict92: sweet-o. hehe

yolapeoples: Okay. Now we've got to find Zac Effron. Marauders: did you bring your Marauders' Map?

NOTgaryoldman: Yup! -pulls out Marauders' Map-

yolapeoples: Cool. Fred, George: You still got yours?

m00nyr0x: What?! There's only ONE Marauders' Ma-

forgeweasley: Yup! -pulls out second Marauders' Map-

m00nyr0x: -jaw hangs open dumbly-

evanslover: O.O

NOTgaryoldman: -pushes Moony's mouth shut-

POPEgeorgew: This is so weird!!

trackaddict92: u think this is weird? try speaking backwards and spanish all in one day!

POPEgeorgew: True... But at least it wasn't backwards spanish!

yolapeoples: OKAY! Let's split up! We've got Snape, Remus, James, Sirius, Lily, Fred and George. Cara and I will be captains and-

NOTgaryoldman: WHY DO _YOU_ GET TO BE THE CAPTAINS?

yolapeoples: 'CAUSE WE'RE THE AUTHORS! Anywho, Cara, pick your team!

trackaddict92: george, lily, and sirius i guess

yolapeoples: Okley dokley! Remus, James, Fred and Snape come with me. -pulls out magic walkie talkies and gives one to everyone-

NOTgaryoldman: Is it normal that you have THAT many walkie talkies with you?

yolapeoples: Yes. Absolutely.

m00nyr0x: You're one to talk, Padfoot.

evanslover: Yeah, you should see how many socks he has.

NOTgaryoldman: HEY! That was private!!

lilyflower, POPEgeorgew, forgeweasley, yolapeoples, trackaddict92 and sectumsempra: -raise eyebrows-

NOTgaryoldman: ANYHOW! Shall we find Zac the fangirl thief?

yolapeoples: YES!!

POPEgeorgew: Where are we searching, Cara?

trackaddict92: uuuuhhhh...the map says zacs...on the bo tree?!

yolapeoples: ...oh my god, Buddhism...

m00nyr0x, evanslover, lilyflower, forgeweasley, sectumsempra, POPEgeorgew: ?!

trackaddict92: why the hell is he in a tree??

yolapeoples: I don't know!

trackaddict92: let alone the bo tree of all trees!

m00nyr0x: But... there's no Bo Tree at Hogwarts... is there?

trackaddict92: who said zacs in hogwarts?

lilyflower: Because the Marauders' Map is a map of Hogwarts... right?

forgeweasley and POPEgeorgew: -nod furiously-

NOTgaryoldman, evanslover and m00nyr0x: Duuuuuuh.

yolapeoples: Oh no… I sense the breaking of the laws of physics

trackaddict92: my brain hurts...what just happened?

sectumsempra: ?!

lilyflower: You said that Zac was in the Bo Tree. -grabs Map from Cara- Hey. He's not in the Bo Tree. He's in the BEECH tree by the lake.

trackaddict92: i could have sworn it said bo tree...could someone have just PUT the bo tree in hogwarts somehow?...damn...buddha would b pissed! but i guess beech tree is right. i mean i dnt c how sum one can PUT the bo tree in hogwarts without being noticed

m00nyr0x: Unless...

trackaddict92: unless?

m00nyr0x: Well, I was thinking that maybe Dumbledore may have done it. I mean, the Marauders' Map _never_ lies.

NOTgaryoldman: ...he WOULD be capable of doing such a thing.

evanslover: But where would he put it?

forgeweasley: James has a point. There's not much room to put random trees around Hogwarts.

yolapeoples: Remus, when was the last full moon?

m00nyr0x: Why do y- Oh I get it.

NOTgaryoldman: ??

trackaddict92: huh?

yolapeoples: He he he. Follow us, guys.

m00nyr0x and yolapeoples: -lead gang to Whomping Willow-

trackaddict92, sectumsempra, POPEgeorgew, evanslover, forgeweasley, lilyflower and NOTgaryoldman: -follow-

_Marauders' Chat has been deserted._

* * *

_m00nyr0x and yolapeoples have appeared on Whomping Willow IM_

_trackaddict92__, sectumsempra, POPEgeorgew, evanslover, forgeweasley, lilyflower and NOTgaryoldman have also appeared on Whomping Willow IM_

evanslover: WHAT THE?!

NOTgaryoldman: THE WHOMPING WILLOW'S BEEN REPLACED WITH THE BO TREE?!

_Whomping Willow IM has been modified to Bo Tree Server_

trackaddict92 and sectumsempra: ...

yolapeoples: Yup!

POPEgeorgew: But where's Zac Effron?

trackaddict92: and what's with the full moon thing u asked b4?

m00nyr0x: -nervous laugh-

yolapeoples: The full moon was a while ago so Dumbledore would have had time to put the tree in without Remus' time of the mont-

m00nyr0x: Do NOT call it that!!

yolapeoples: Whatever. Without his _issues_ getting in the way.

sectumsempra: But where's Zac Effron?!

trackaddict92: and where's the whomping willow??...and more importantly… how'd dumbledore get the bo tree away from buddha?

yolapeoples: I have no idea.

* * *

_headmasterALBUS has logged onto Buddha's Temple of Zen_

headmasterALBUS: Hello, Buddha.

iambuddha: Dumbledore! How dare you take my sacred Bo Tree?!

headmasterALBUS: You lost it in poker, Buddha. T'is only fair.

iambuddha: Grrr... And you had to give me this willow??

headmasterALBUS: Yes, indeed.

* * *

evanslover: Who knew the Buddha played poker with Dumbledore?

trackaddict92: who knew that dumbledore could speak the same language as the buddha?

NOTgaryoldman: I sure didn't.

sectumsempra: -whining- WHERE'S ZAC EFFRON!?

trackaddict92: where is zac anyway?

yolapeoples: I have no idea.

lilyflower: ...

m00nyr0x: Don't look at me.

NOTgaryoldman: WAIT! UP THERE IN THE TREE! IT'S A THESTRAL! IT'S A BROOM!

sectumsempra: IT'S ZAC EFFRON!

_zaceffron has been seen on highest branch Bo Tree Server_

trackaddict92: -drools- he's hot… I MEAN, how do we get him down??

yolapeoples: -ponders-

forgeweasley: -ponders-

POPEgeorgew: -ponders-

trackaddict92: -ponders...but only a dancing monkey appears in head-

yolapeoples: -sarcastic- Ah-mazing. … Speaking of amazing, where'd Voldemort-

_lightning flashes_

_thunder booms_

_girl screams in distance_

yolapeoples: -go?

trackaddict92: uugh we lost another

lilyflower: Does it HAVE to do that every time we say Voldemort?

_lightning flashes_

_thunder booms_

_girl screams in distance_

forgeweasley: Apparently so.

evanslover: Wait a sec. What are we doing on the ground?!

_evanslover has run off Bo Tree Server to Broom Closet Thread_

yolapeoples: ?!

_evanslover has returned to Bo Tree Server with a bunch of brooms_

lilyflower: Brilliant, James! -kisses James on cheek-

sectumsempra: -narrows eyes- A rare thing indeed.

trackaddict92: so now what?

sectumsempra: We go get Zac Effron!!

_trackaddict92__, sectumsempra, POPEgeorgew, yolapeoples evanslover, forgeweasley, lilyflower and NOTgaryoldman have flown to highest branch of Bo Tree Server_

trackaddict92: what r u doing up here?

zaceffron: Hmm?

trackaddict92: what r u doing in the bo tree with james' cloak?

zaceffron: James' cloak? You mean the thing the long haired kid gave me?

trackaddict92: -glares at sirius then looks back at zac- yes, that. and y r u in the bo tree?

zaceffron: Oh. I thought that was a kleenex...

evanslover: -looks like he's going to cry-

NOTgaryoldman: There, there, mate. -pats James on the back-

m00nyr0x: ...

trackaddict92: but y r u in the bo tree?

NOTgaryoldman: Yeah! And what did you do with our fangirls?!

zaceffron: Ah, well, you see, they got into an argument about who was hotter-

NOTgaryoldman: And we obviously won and you killed our fangirls in bloodthirsty revenge!

yolapeoples: ...

lilyflower: ok... nooo. What _actually _happened them??

zaceffron: Well, it got kind of violent and, well, they inter-killed themselves.

m00nyr0x: Wow.

lilyflower: Yeah, wow.

sectumsempra: Will you sign my forehead?!

zaceffron: -stares at Snape for a moment but pulls out a marker and signs Snape's forehead in bewilderment-

sectumsempra: -fangirlish squeal-

_sectumsempra has flown off Bo Tree Server_

yolapeoples: … that was odd.

forgeweasley: Very.

trackaddict92: amen

POPEgeorgew: to that!

yolapeoples: Okay, but how'd you get up here?!

zaceffron: Oh. On this tree, you mean?

m00nyr0x: -sarcastic- No, she means on the ground.

zaceffron: Well, I climbed the tree of course.

trackaddict92: but y??

zaceffron: Felt like it.

evanslover: Where's my cloak? -sniffles-

trackaddict92: ...

zaceffron: Oh, the tissue? Yeah, I left that in the big room with the fire place and the couches and-

NOTgaryoldman: As in the common room?

zaceffron: Yeah.

m00nyr0x: How'd you get in there?!

yolapeoples: With his Buddha powers. -jazz fingers-

NOTgaryoldman: -mutters at Zac- Freak.

trackaddict92: Be nice! and?

zaceffron: And I climbed the tree and you guys found me.

yolapeoples: -sarcastic- Ah-mazing. My question: Where did Voldemort-

_lightning flashes_

_thunder booms_

_girl screams in distance_

yolapeoples: -go?

* * *

_Welcome to Casino Royal! You are watching: Table 3_

DarkLordVdawg: MUA HA HA!!

headmasterALBUS and iambuddha: Drat.

DarkLordVdawg: So I just won the Buddha's soul and Dumbledore's Elder Wand, am I right?

iambuddha: -grumbles- Yes.

headmasterALBUS: Now, how to explain how the Light side lost because of poker...

**...to be continued…**

**Please review! And the next chapter should be up soon! Otherwise I shall have my friend's cow hand puppet (it moos!!) attack you, non-reviewing peoples!! BEWAAARREE!! - Yolapeoples**


	16. Since When Do House Elves Make Pizza?

**Disclaimer: Blah blah blah. Don't own. Blah blah blah. J.K. Rowling. Blah blah blah. Elton John. Blah blah blah. Awesome reviewers. Blah blah blah. The freakiest thing happened when I got in my dad's car yesterday. "Benny and the Jets" started playing on the radio and I had a "OH MY FLIPPIN' GOD!!" moment. Blah blah blah...**

**Okay, so I lied to all ya's to whom I said me posting this depended on when I finished my homework! I didn't finish my homework yet, but I wanted to post this! Can you blame me?**

**God said "Let there be randomness!" and I was born. ... Naw, not really. I'm not THAT special even if I wish I was. So, I say "LET THERE BE RANDOMNESS!!" and there was the next chapter to this story!**

**Since When Do House Elves Make Pizza?**

_SIRIUSsatelliteradio has come running onto Marauders' Chat_

_m00nyr0x officially thinks Padfoot has gone off the deep end on Marauders' Chat_

_evanslover would like to inquire Padfoot's strange behavior on Marauders' Chat_

SIRIUSsatelliteradio: Okay. Please tell me that they're gone.

m00nyr0x: Who?

SIRIUSsatelliteradio: Those freaky fifth years, Maddy Nox and Cara Groglio, and Snivellous and Zac Effron!!

evanslover: …uh… Padfoot, what are you talking about?

SIRIUSsatelliteradio: You don't remember? You know, the two fifth years who wanted your Invisibility Cloak to pull pranks on some guy named Benny Jets?!

m00nyr0x: Um, Padfoot, are you referring to the muggle song "Benny and the Jets" by any chance?

SIRIUSsatelliteradio: What? NO! There was this girl who stole Prongs' cloak! Wait! She was a fifth year Gryffindor prefect!! You MUST know her!!

m00nyr0x: Padfoot, they are no fifth year Gryffindor prefects that go by the name of Maddy Nox.

evanslover: Yeah, and what fifth year would be able to steal MY Invisibility Cloak??

SIRIUSsatelliteradio: NOOOO! They were on here! On The Marauders' Chatroom of Complete Randomness!! And they kept saying that they were the authors or something!! And, and, she killed Peter!! But Peter was EVIIILLL!! And the other one, the Ravenclaw one, she killed me and Prongs but it ended up that we weren't dead but really just got our arses fried. And there were fangirls!! And then this guy named Zac Effron stole the fangirls and the cloak and Voldemort showed up and then Snivellous wanted Zac's signature and we found him by the Bo Tree!! WAIT! Why didn't it do the thing with Voldemort's name?! VOLDEMORT! VOOOLLDDDEEEMMOOOORRRTT!!

m00nyr0x: …

evanslover: Okay, Padfoot, deep breaths.

SIRIUSsatelliteradio: You all think I'm crazy! Don't you? DON'T YOU?! -twitch-

m00nyr0x: No, I think that you've either eaten my entire chocolate stash in one sitting again or you've had too much coffee this early in the morning.

evanslover: What about a tree?

SIRIUSsatelliteradio: I AM TOTALLY SANE!! The tree? Oh yes! The tree! Well, Dumbledore won the Bo Tree from the Buddha in poker and then swapped the Bo Tree with the Whomping Willow and then Voldy, Dumbly and the Buddha were all playing poker together and Voldy won and WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIIEEE!!

m00nyr0x: … Not even an entire year's worth of chocolate can make you hallucinate THAT much.

evanslover: Padfoot, what the hell have you been eating?

SIRIUSsatelliteradio: NOTHING! But before the poker, Lily was there and Prongs and her were having a snog fest and Snape got all annoyed and there were these people, Fred and George I think, from the future and they had second Marauders' Map and-

m00nyr0x: PADFOOT! There is only one Marauders' Map.

SIRIUSsatelliteradio: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAID WHEN THEY TOOK IT OUT!! …well, minus the PADFOOT! thing, but YEAH!

evanslover: Padfoot, I need you to calm down a bit here. What happened BEFORE these supposed fifth years showed up?

SIRIUSsatelliteradio: Hmm? Oh! Well, I was on here and it said Moony was on and I was talking to him and he didn't respond and- HEY! Why weren't you listening to me, Moony?!

m00nyr0x: Sorry, Padfoot, I fell asleep studying yesterday and I must have left my computer on. Sorry; I've been a bit spacey since, well, you know.

SIRIUSsatelliteradio: Okay... WAIT! The people, whatsherface Maddy and Cara! They knew about you and your werewolf-iness!! Maddy even talked about the full moon and-

evanslover: ANYWAY! What did you do after that, Padfoot?

SIRIUSsatelliteradio: I went down to the kitchens for a late night snack and got some pizza!

m00nyr0x: Since when do the house elves make pizza??

SIRIUSsatelliteradio: I dunno, but it was delicious! Fudge anchovy!

evanslover: … Did he just say…

m00nyr0x: I believe he did.

SIRIUSsatelliteradio: What? What's wrong with fudge anchovy pizza??

evanslover: Padfoot, even for you that's disgusting.

m00nyr0x: I guess that explains the hallucinations.

SIRIUSsatelliteradio: I DID NOT HALLUCINATE IT!!

m00nyr0x: -sarcastic- Uh huh. Suuuure.

SIRIUSsatelliteradio: I'll prove it to you!! Zac Effron signed Snivellous' forehead!! The signature should still be there!!

evanslover: Who the bloody hell is Zac Effron??

m00nyr0x: I believe he's a muggle actor/singer.

SIRIUSsatelliteradio: EXACTLY!! And he signed Snivellous' forehead!!

m00nyr0x: Somehow, I find that hard to believe.

_SIRIUSsatelliteradio has run off to find Snivellous_

evanslover: Well there's something: Padfoot going to find Snivellous without a prank in mind.

m00nyr0x: Frankly, this whole thing is creepy. Let's hurry and follow him before he hurts someone or himself.

evanslover: Good idea.

_m00nyr0x and evanslover have run off after SIRIUSsatelliteradio_

* * *

_lilyflower has arrived on Marauders' Chat_

_m00nyr0x will kill Padfoot next time he sees him on Marauders' Chat_

_evanslover rolls his eyes at Moony on Marauders' Chat_

lilyflower: Um, am I asking for too much when I ask for an explanation as to why I saw Sirius chasing after Severus after Charms today screaming, "LET ME SEE YOUR FOREHEAD, DAMMIT!"

m00nyr0x: Argh.

evanslover: Well, let's just say that Sirius decided to eat fudge anchovy pizza at midnight yesterday and had strange dreams about fifth years, "Benny and the Jets", evil Peter, Sni-Snape wanting Zac Effron's signature and something or another related to Buddhism.

lilyflower: … Wow. I could only expect so much from Sirius. But I know that song! -sings- BuhBuhBuhBuh Bennie and the Jets. Oh but they're weird and they're wonderful. Oh Bennie she's really keen. She's got electric boots, a mohair suit. You know I read it in a magazine. Ah ha, BuhBuh Bennie and the Jets.

m00nyr0x: Yes, well…

lilyflower: -whispers to James- Why's Remus all annoyed?

evanslover: Oh. Moony's annoyed because Sirius threw a cake at him.

lilyflower: a…cake?

m00nyr0x: Yes. Carrot as a matter of fact.

lilyflower: Should I even ASK why he threw a CAKE at you?

m00nyr0x: I was trying to get him to stop chasing Snape who had run into the kitchens. He called me a traitor and tore through me into the kitchens. As I went in, I received a faceful of cake and Sirius laughed like a maniac and run away after Snape.

lilyflower: So… Sirius is _still_ running after Snape?

evanslover: I'm afraid so. I guess we should-

m00nyr0x: No, Prongs, don't say it.

evanslover: -split up and look for clues.

m00nyr0x: Drat.

evanslover: Um. So… uh… who should… uh… go where?

m00nyr0x: I get it, Prongs. You and Lily go search together; I'll go by myself. I don't mind.

lilyflower: -blush-

evanslover: -blush- Uh, sure, Moony, if you want.

m00nyr0x: But if I find you two were in a broom closet doing God knows I don't want to know while I receive facefuls of cake and such, I will not be please.

lilyflower: -blushes and punches Remus on the arm-

evanslover: Aye aye, Messr. Moony!

m00nyr0x: -sigh- Sometimes…

evanslover: A hunting we shall go, a hunting we shall go. High-ho the dairy-o. A hunting we shall go…

_lilyflower, evanslover and m00nyr0x have gone "a hunting"._

* * *

**Whoo! That was fun to write. And if anyone noticed Prongs go Scooby-doo-ish, I just watched an episode of Scooby-doo and HAD to put that in there. Props to the end of the sixteenth chapter of The Marauders' Chatroom of Complete Randomness!! I've finally reached the number of my next birthday age. -snif- -wipes tear from ear- They grow up so fast! Please review and continue to randomness!! Or do I have to go get God again? - Yolapeoples**


End file.
